A Petition to Remove Rafer
by grungedave on Nov 13, 2007 4:00 PM CST
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On October 4, 2005, the Houston Rockets made a rare personnel mistake. They traded Mike James - a key player on a playoff team - to Toronto for one Rafer Alston. This man:
In the interim 2+ years, Mr. Alston has proceeded to amass the following statistics: 12.1 ppg/6.7 apg in '05/'06 and 13.3 ppg/5.4 apg in '06/'07. Of course this does not take into account his badly timed turnovers in the 4th quarter; his continual regression into his "Skip to My Lou" street-ball persona/alter ego when a simple chest pass would suffice; his stunning inability to pass the ball to a man 7'5" who happens to be standing five feet away; a shooting form that is the basketball equivalent of Jeff Bagwell's batting stance.
Fortunately for us, the statistics do show Rafer's 37.9% shooting in '05/'06 and his 37.6% shooting in '06/'07. I'll kindly ignore his blazing start to the new campaign (6.6 ppg on 30.2% shooting) - oh, wait, no I won't ignore it! I can no longer ignore any of this!
Since Cartman is probably busy torturing Scott Tenorman:
I can't recruit him to dispose of Mr. Alston for me/us/Houston. That means someone else has to take up the cause. The cause being:
RAFER ALSTON MUST GO!
Never before have I despised a Houston-area athlete so much. But I cannot bear his sucktitude any longer. Rafer Alston cannot remain a Houston Rocket if the goal is to win a championship. Or a playoff series (Playoffs?!?!?).
Therefore, I must submit the following to Daryl Morey:
PLEASE BENCH RAFER!
No, wait, that's not permanent enough...
PLEASE CUT / RELEASE / TRADE RAFER ALSTON!
Considering that Rafer's amazing inability to play fundamental basketball was the impetus for this here blog - it's only appropriate that the initial post be a public plea for his removal from the Rocket roster. Tossing him in jail for his multiple offseason arrests would be one means for it - but cutting his useless @$$ is probably better for Yao and Tracy.
Please, Rockets Management, I beg of you... I'll eagerly await your response.
(I also solicit anyone provide commentary on other ways we can dispose of Rafer)
In the interim 2+ years, Mr. Alston has proceeded to amass the following statistics: 12.1 ppg/6.7 apg in '05/'06 and 13.3 ppg/5.4 apg in '06/'07. Of course this does not take into account his badly timed turnovers in the 4th quarter; his continual regression into his "Skip to My Lou" street-ball persona/alter ego when a simple chest pass would suffice; his stunning inability to pass the ball to a man 7'5" who happens to be standing five feet away; a shooting form that is the basketball equivalent of Jeff Bagwell's batting stance.Fortunately for us, the statistics do show Rafer's 37.9% shooting in '05/'06 and his 37.6% shooting in '06/'07. I'll kindly ignore his blazing start to the new campaign (6.6 ppg on 30.2% shooting) - oh, wait, no I won't ignore it! I can no longer ignore any of this!
Since Cartman is probably busy torturing Scott Tenorman:
I can't recruit him to dispose of Mr. Alston for me/us/Houston. That means someone else has to take up the cause. The cause being:
RAFER ALSTON MUST GO!
Never before have I despised a Houston-area athlete so much. But I cannot bear his sucktitude any longer. Rafer Alston cannot remain a Houston Rocket if the goal is to win a championship. Or a playoff series (Playoffs?!?!?).
Therefore, I must submit the following to Daryl Morey:
PLEASE BENCH RAFER!
No, wait, that's not permanent enough...
PLEASE CUT / RELEASE / TRADE RAFER ALSTON!
Considering that Rafer's amazing inability to play fundamental basketball was the impetus for this here blog - it's only appropriate that the initial post be a public plea for his removal from the Rocket roster. Tossing him in jail for his multiple offseason arrests would be one means for it - but cutting his useless @$$ is probably better for Yao and Tracy.
Please, Rockets Management, I beg of you... I'll eagerly await your response.
(I also solicit anyone provide commentary on other ways we can dispose of Rafer)
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I wish Rafer had actually stabbed that guy this summer. I had peace of mind way back then.
Carol Dawson started slipping at the turn of the Millenium. Five years later it was clear he needed to be put into a home-aka powerless token job. The Rafer deal was Dawson's baby, or retard baby as Ms. Garrison would say. I worry that Dawson (who clearly can't be trusted, ie Rafer, Stromile Swift) still exerts some influence.
Carol Dawson started slipping at the turn of the Millenium. Five years later it was clear he needed to be put into a home-aka powerless token job. The Rafer deal was Dawson's baby, or retard baby as Ms. Garrison would say. I worry that Dawson (who clearly can't be trusted, ie Rafer, Stromile Swift) still exerts some influence.
by Anonymous on Nov 19, 2007 11:59 PM CST reply actions
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