The Malcontent All-Stars: A modest proposal

 

The 2009-2010 NBA season has featured a number of unhappy players demanding to be relieved of their current predicament, feigning retirement and so forth.  This is unfortunate, but there is a solution: The Malcontent All-Stars (MAS).  This would be a "barnstorming" team comprised of players like Alan Iverson, Stephen Jackson, Zach Randolph, Tim Thomas, Shaq, etc. 

The team would have no coach.  In the spirit of entertainment, the playing time, plays, and other coaching duties of the Malcontents would be decided entirely internally, amongst the players.  They would nominate a captain to arbitrate all disputes.

Every 3 years an NBA team could move a player off its roster and on to the Malcontents, with 1/3 of the league able to do this on a rotating basis.  The team would be responsible for 1/2 the player's salary, and would get cap relief for the other 1/2, plus an open roster spot.  Any team can sign a Malcontent during 4 signing periods distributed annually, but they must replace the player with someone from their roster, and pay the full salary and contract of the player they claim.  Claims would be from worst record to best.  The Malcontents may cut non-guaranteed players and sign D-league players, upon a team vote.

The remainder of the Malcontent's pay would come from revenues generated by the team itself.  The players would receive a share of the gate for all their barnstorming games, plus some revenue from the NBA TV contract.  Revenues claimed by players cannot exceed 2x a player's contracted salary for salaries under $4 million, or an extra 50% for salaries over $4 million. Any remainder would go to fund a halfway house and charity for any NBA player, current or former, whose gambling losses, gentleman's club expenses, and recreational chemical purchases exceed $2 million dollars, lifetime.

The Malcontents would play a full NBA slate, with no home games, or home city.  Some games would be in places like London or Shanghai, others at the Corn Palace in South Dakota.  Teams with a winning percentage  under .300 could request that the Malcontents play up to 4 games of their schedule at their home arena, with the result counting towards their record.  Obviously any game between the Malcontents and that team would have to be played.   The team being replaced would play the Malcontent's schedule during that time.

If the Malcontent's make the playoffs, they may nominate a home city, either in a venue of a team that did not make the playoffs, or a barnstorming site of their choice (decided by team vote), or play at multiple sites in North America.  If the Malcontents should win an NBA title, they would be eligible to claim the home city of a non-playoff team for the following season, and send that team on the road to play their schedule.  The Malcontents would be able to accept any inducement offered to pick, or not pick, a particular city to displace.

All Malcontents' games would be available  on all Fox Sports affiliates, or NBA TV.  The team logo shall be a version of the Jolly Roger, with the letter "M" on the skull.

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