Possible reasons Von Wafer failed his physical
by grungedave on Dec 23, 2009 12:07 PM CST
in Discussions about Badasses
14 comments
By now I am sure you have heard the startling and unfortunate news...
No, not the news about My So Called Life getting canceled. I'm (mostly) over that, people. I'm talking about Von Wafer. And how a player of his stature somehow fails a freakin' physical. Yes, Von failed. And since he's a Florida State alum, I am sure he's not used to being told he "failed" much less that he was required to even to take a test.
I still have no idea how the hell a 24 year old with no known injury or medical history fails an NBA physical.
I mean, shit, Shaq somehow is healthy enough to play in the NBA and the FatAss clearly isn't in shape. Same goes for Tracy McGrady. Dude is hobbling all over the court, but our docs gave him the go-ahead. So what the hell did Von Wafer do to fail a supposedly routine physical exam? I foresee a top 10 list in the making!
Potential Reasons Von Wafer failed his physical:
1. Hung out too much with Greg Oden and Joel Przybilla during the offseason.
2. Von was beat up as a threat to Olympiakos over money owed to Chris Morris.
3. Von misunderstood the meaning of "team physical" and tried to fight Rick Adelman.
4. Failed to stick the landing on dunk attempt. French judge still gave him a "10" though.
5. Team docs accidentally mistook McGrady's medical records for Von's.
6. The physical required Von to simulate a pass to a teammate.
7. Rockets didn't know what to do with a medical report that showed a completely healthy player.
8. Jason Kidd saw Von walking aimlessly in a dark alley. FU, Jason Kidd.
9. Turns out Jermain(e) Taylor really *is* the boxer and saw Von as a threat to his roster status.
10. Von has a bad back and hip. Who knew?
Since when do 24 year olds get to complain about a bad back and/or hip? Greg Oden doesn't count since we all know he's old enough to collect social security.
So, uh, we'll have to put the "Welcome Back, Von!" parade on hold, I guess. Bummer. I guess the good news is that Lee has temporarily saved $60.
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The Grizzlies passed on signing free-agent guard Von Wafer on Tuesday because of injuries that the team believed wouldn’t allow him to play right away.
Wafer, 6-5, was in Memphis on Sunday and Monday and underwent a series of tests that revealed a hip and back injury.
http://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2009/dec/23/memphis-grizzlies-vs-golden-state-warriors-postgam/
#11. Von's not willing to do the Mohawk anymore...
not cool. not a team player…. not cool…..
don't bully me, i am from the D(etroit)!!!
well
i read that they might reevaluate him in the future…still a chance i guess
by EveryHoustonTeamRox! on Dec 23, 2009 12:56 PM CST reply actions
This is probably silly...
But do you really need to call Shaq a FatAss everytime you mention him? It seems a little childish and it seems to overlook his talent, but that’s just my opinion.
by clutchcitywillreturn on Dec 23, 2009 1:59 PM CST reply actions
yes, yes I do.
And it’s not “a” FatAss it’s “the” FatAss. Show some respect.
by grungedave on Dec 23, 2009 2:19 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
i tend to overlook his talent also....
because i dont see any. a big guy that can just mow ppl over in paint to get close enough to the basket where he can just throw it in(which he rarely gets a foul called…bc “he’s shaq”), because i would not credit that motion as a shot. the man cant even shoot free throws, and plz dont bring up his smidgen of a better percentage this year, if it is up(im not really following his brick count) yao is money from the charity stripe and superman as he calls himself has NO outside shot, whatsoever. but that’s just my opinion also.
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by Tom Martin on Dec 23, 2009 3:06 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
We got the story backwords
From D. Morey’s diary:
Dear Diary,
Had a major oopsie today.
Talked to medical staff and they assured me Chase will be out 2 weeks. Based on past experience,we’ll be lucky if he’s back next yr. So I went and signed Von Wafer calculating his ability to score offsets his lack of anything else.
So I go tell coach I’ve signed a SG to help while Chase is out and Coach goes that’s nice,who’d you sign and I tell him Von Wafer. OMFG!!! Coach starts turning shades of purple I didn’t even know existed,then he gets all red and grabs his chest,then he grabs me and yells “It’s bad enough I got a (bad word used as an adjective) midget for a center,that I’ve got to baby along the league’s biggest prima donna while he tries to show he’s not washed up,now you want to sign a (really bad word) (another bad word) that I had to kick off my (bad word again) bench in the Playoffs. You’ll (bad word) sign that (bad word) over your dead body! (Lord’s name in vain) Morey,what’s the (bad word) wrong with you?”
After that I had to scramble and announce Wafer failed his physical-like I care about him,it’s my health I’m worried about,Coach looked very,very scary,movie psycho-killer scary. Then I had to call my bud over at Memphis,lie like an agent and tell him he’s a great GM who just has a bad owner and sweet talk him into covering for me.
by Tisbee on Dec 23, 2009 6:07 PM CST reply actions 4 recs
LOLZ ... made my day inspite of the Orlando loss
I was half-expecting the loss, but wait till the return match-up. We’ll play better for sure. We always do
by RoxBeliever on Dec 24, 2009 12:00 AM CST up reply actions
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