10 reasons to despise the Los Angeles Lakers
by grungedave on May 4, 2009 11:24 AM CDT
in Blogging stuff
Email
PrintThe Rockets/Lakers series begins tonight.
Kobe/Artest...
Yao/Bynum...
Phil/Sleepy...
there will be no shortage of interesting matchups or cheesy story-lines. But before the series begins, I want to compile a top-ten list of reasons why Rockets fans should have no guilt in outright despising the Los Angeles Lakers. (Plus, "lists" are what drive the engine of sports blogs. I think I have a monthly quota for them.)
10. Phil Jackson is a pompous ass.
Yes, Phil. He has 9 rings. He could have 11 if his team didn't play scared against the Celtics last year and/or if Shaq and Kobe could get along in '04. But what makes people hate Phil is that he's often an arrogant prick. He's also a hippie. The Rockets should solicit the services of Eric Cartman and rid this series of hippies. Solution? Play Slayer... really, really loud. Phil Jackson probably hates loud, angry music.
Plus, there is no love lost between Phil and Coach Sleepy after the 2002 Western Conference Finals.
9. This is the team that thought Von Wafer wasn't good enough.
The Lakers drafted Von Wafer all the way back in 2005. And yet, the Lakers somehow thought guys like Sasha Vujacic and Luke Walton were more valuable or simply better players than our favorite mohawked Rocket. Yeah, Mitch Kupchak is handed Pau Gasol and everyone forgets that he traded away Caron Butler (for Kwame!) and let Von walk. Daryl Morey would never be so short-sighted.
8. This guy is annoying.
Sasha Vujacic. He just looks very punchable.
7. The fact that Laker fans think Andrew Bynum is better than Yao.
Lee and I were interviewed by a Laker blog last spring. After giving honest answers about how we think the Rockets of '08 matched up well with the '08 Lakers... we proceeded to get flamed by about 1,000 grammatically-challenged Laker fans. A majority of them couldn't believe that we would publicly state that Yao Ming is better than Andrew Bynum. Andrew... Bynum... for real. This guy:
Bynum's stats from last year are even worse... and yet Laker fans think it's a mere formality before Bynum is inducted into the NBA Hall of Fame. (Meanwhile, Yao is apparently a stiff who's the next Shawn Bradley.) When we asked these Laker fans for a reason supporting their opinion, Lee and I were called all sorts of names that would get anyone banned here. I'm still stunned by this transaction. And I am still waiting for their reasoning.
6. Pau Gasol did this.
Yao will have his revenge. Oh, he will make certain this does not go unpunished.
5. The Lakers almost allowed Karl Malone to get a ring.
In July 2003, the Lakers made no attempt to re-sign Robert Horry. Instead, they put on a full-court press to go and sign Karl Malone. Seriously. The Lakers essentially cut my favorite player of all-time to instead woo my least favorite player of all-time. Fortunately the Curse of Robert Horry prevented a massive injustice.
Thank God the Detroit Pistons kept Malone ringless. You suck Karl Malone!
(yes, this may be about the Lakers, but I'll use any opportunity to poke fun at the Utah Jazz. I really, really hate the Utah Jazz.)
Meanwhile... Horry went on to win two more rings with the San Antonio Spurs. The lesson, as always? Robert Horry is a badass and Karl Malone is an @$$hole.
4. The Lakers are the only team with a longer winning streak than the Rockets.
The Rockets had a Streak last year. 22 games in a row. It was awesome. And yet, no one cared until the Rockets won 20 in a row. And then everyone found ways to dismiss it. Including the fact that the Lakers won 33 in a row way back in the days when no one cared about basketball.
Now, any time I mention the Streak... some clown always has to point out that the Lakers had a longer one. As you might imagine, this is slightly infuriating. Dikembe doesn't care though.
Of course, Dikembe is a classier person than I am. Whereas he may be able to respect the Lakers' record streak, I despise them for it.
3. Los Angeles is trying to take credit for Houston's greatest societal contribution: the silicon breast implant.
Yes, fake silicon boobs are Houston's gift to the rest of the world. And yet everyone seems to think that Los Angeles is the place to attribute credit. This is unacceptable. Okay, fine, here's your gratuitous picture...
2. Kobe.
Kobe Bryant, universally regarded as the most hated player in the NBA. Personally, I am a huge Kobe fan. I'm still mad we didn't pull the trigger on the Kobe for T-Mac trade that was most definitely on the table last year.
I also realize why people hate Kobe. He's too close to God Michael Jordan and apparently we aren't supposed to imitate the Gods. He's arrogant, prickly and oftentimes selfish. Then again, if the option was to shoot the ball or pass to Smush Parker... wouldn't you prefer to shoot the ball yourself, too?
Yeah, yeah, Kobe is also one of the most publicly known adulterers in the world. He may have even misunderstood the concept of "no means no." (I still think the girl was a starf--ker looking for attention. No 19 year old ever works "late" at a minimum wage summer job just to hang out. Sorry, not buying it.)
For the next two weeks though... I hate Kobe. More than Wes Mantooth hates Ron Burgundy. The streets should run red with Kobe's blood. At the hands of Ron Artest and Shane Battier (though Battier will probably be nice about it.)
... and last, and certainly not least:
1. The Lakers effectively ended the playing career of Rudy T.
The most infamous moment in NBA history. Ron Artest's melee in Detroit isn't even close to what Kermit Washington did to the face of Rudy T.
This should never have happened...
Of course, this is why Rudy T is awesome. Not only did he recover... play a few more seasons (though never again at the same level)... then coach the Rockets to two championship seasons... but Rudy T went out of his way to *forgive* Kermit Washington. And then he became his biggest supporter in getting Washington a job in the NBA. Wow.
There you have it. Ten reasons why you should feel no remorse for chanting "Lakers suck" over the next couple weeks.
GO ROCKETS!!!
87 comments
|
4 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
LAKERS SUCK! LAKERS SUCK!
hows that
by mutombo4life on May 4, 2009 11:31 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Wow… number 1. I didn’t know the story. Crazy.
Straight from the No-Stat Zone to your computer!
Dunkin' Cheerleaders
Speaking of number 1 and the utah jazz
You mean Sloan is in the Hall of Fame while Rudy T still isn’t?
Aside from both coaches being good at..coaching, apparently:
A guy that brings 1 HOF player to 2 titles(clyde didn’t join till the next year) isn’t as good as a guy that fails to bring 2 HOF players to any titles at all in the past uhm…20 years?
To be fair
Without MJ’s famous push-off Sloan may well have won at least one….
Proud member of Duck nation!
nooo
Chicago still would have killed the Jazz in Game 7 at home.
oh I forgot one
#11… The Lakers are the only team who think its cool to give themselves their own nicknames.
Sasha named himself the Machine
Kobe named himself the Black Mamba
and let’s not forget Shaquille O’Neal started this annoying practice when he was with the Lakers.
Only Lance Berkman is able to coin his own nickname… because his is ironic and funny (and was in response to less than flattering other nicknames!).
Sasha
did not name himself. It was the Lakers announcers and it was a joke because he was known in the organization for shooting well at practice but unable to replicate that success when it mattered. They gave him a few other less flattering nicknames as well, but this is the one that ESPN caught wind of and mentions EVERY SINGLE TIME Sasha steps on the court.
Kobe did name himself Black Mamba but I think some reporter had asked him something or other in the Olympics.
Then again he’s Kobe. He’s earned the right to nickname himself.
Yes
and I think it has to do with Kobe naming himself that too.
Plus, they pick incredibly annoying nicknames. Black Mamba?
Straight from the No-Stat Zone to your computer!
Dunkin' Cheerleaders
number 8
Sasha Vujacic is enuf to hate the fakers..
I just cant stand him..
Just hoping that Von Wafer gives him a good lesson on “dunking the ball over whiny opponents”
So is Arizza
Who cheap shotted Rudy Fernandez when we were kicking their ass back in March…
Proud member of Duck nation!
Yup
But tis just a passing fancy, we’ll be back and ready to kick your ass next year.
Oh and didn’t you suffer your worst loss of the year in Portland?
Proud member of Duck nation!
I think you forgot some things…..14 championships, no surprise here greatness brings hate. Us LAKER fans can care less what the houston rocket fans think of us you guys are one small stepping stone on our path to the goal.
This is GREAT!
I posted it over at Blazers Edge. We are brothers in the hatred of that team. Nice work!
My favorite teams are the Blazers and any team that is playing the Lakers.
I would add
The Lakers have no real fans, unlike the Rockets and Blazers…
Proud member of Duck nation!
Even in close games
The stands empty out a few minutes into the fourth…
Proud member of Duck nation!
Nice post
Haha, can’t believe you brought up no.6.
Thanks for educating us about No.3.
Nice list
Number 3 alone makes this list worth a post. Rudy T is a pretty classy guy too.
Lakers are still going to kick ass though.
Kobe is the most hated and most popular.
The guy is always in the top 2 or 3 in All-Star voting. Imagine how popular he’d be if there weren’t so many Kobe haters to off set things? It would be ridiculous.
Also, there’s just something so quirky about Von. It’s hard to really respect him. Even if he turned into a perennial All-Star Hall of Famer, I don’t think anyone would stop thinking that he’s not supposed to be good. He makes Dwyane Wade and Manu look normal.
Question
I’m not from the states, but don’t people usually support teams where they’re from?
Why is it that every LA ‘fan’ I’ve seen only supports the lakers, yet no one’s hardcore enough to support the clippers through thick and thin?
Many reasons
Lakers were here first, the Clippers are a franchise steeped in inadequacy, their ownership is one of the worst in the league, they treat their workers like crap, they have no direction as a franchise (besides losing I suppose), and they just put together the most unlikeable roster in the entire league.
You say thick and thin but there really hasn’t been any thick to speak of (unless you count the one year they made the second round).
If you’re trying to suggest that Laker fans aren’t “hardcore” enough to support a losing team, don’t bother. We were still selling out games when we didn’t make the playoffs and the Clippers were actually decent that one year. Some of the bandwagoners might’ve switched alliances but the true fans always stayed.
Good list
#10. No argument here, but he is bangin’ the bosses daughter (who was in Playboy) so that counts for something.
#9. Yeah but Von Waver was AWFUL when we had him. (Isn’t that a reason for us to hate him?)
#8. No argument here, Sasha is annoying.
#7. He isn’t. He may be. He IS better than Greg Oden. (yeah I’m talking to the BEdgers here)
#6. Yeah, he did, but he did object. Obviously not strongly enough.
#5. Definitely no argument there.
#4. Sounds like a reason to RESPECT, not HATE.
#3. If that’s true then I LOVE HOUSTON. Nice pic.
#2. Refer to answer #4.
#1. Again no argument there. A little old, but true nonetheless.
"Don't I know you from somewhere"?. "Nah, that ain't me, I'm from Buffalo" - Axel Foley
Greg Oden is better than Bynum on the defensive end.
And I’m not saying this because he had done a good job guarding Yao.
We’ll see how Bynum performs against Yao. Damn, still 7 more hours!
if u think u didnt get the calls on oden
ooo boy u better see what happens against the lakers, even if artest breathes on kobe ul be called for a foul just watch
Oden...Aldridge...Roy.....THE REAL BIG THREE
even if artest breathes on kobe ul be called for a foul just watch
over exaggerating much? kobe rarely gets to the FT line anymore. you do realize that right? (and im not suggesting that its because he doesn’t get the calls but he doesn’t drive into the lane much anymore) so the whole idea that if artest just breathes on kobe he’ll be called for a foul is stupid.
Regardless of our differances
Can’t we all agree that the cheerleaders get better each year. As a diehard Rockets fan it hurts to say this, but i love those laker girls!
don't be hurt
without the Laker girls, we probably wouldn’t have these cheerleaders today all over the league.
First of all, what the heck is the deal about these people reserving names. I entered two handles and both were supposedly “reserved” for guys who apparently are cool enough to reserve names but not cool enough to come on this blog? If you’re going to reserve a name, at least use it!
Second of all, your guys’ professionalism is top notch, way to show your true colors. This list sounds like it came from a fan you just pulled from the street who hates on the Lakers
And on to the list.
10.I wonder if you’d have those same sentiments if PJ were coaching the Rockets. And if he was to coach the Rockets he would actually know what to do with the McGrady/Yao combo and Houston may have had a championship by now
9.Yeah, the Lakers let Von go, just like 7 other teams did, you guys hate on them too? Not to mention all Wafer does is shoot the ball and we got a pretty good 2 guard who does that already.
8.Sasha is annoying, but so is Scola, and they pretty much look the same. So they break even.
7.Wasn’t a part of that blog conversation, and it must not have been on the official L.A. Times’ blog because that’s one of the most professional blogs around. But Bynum is in no way better than Yao, at least not now. AB has better footwork in the post, but Yao’s overall game is much more advanced than Drew. But, AB is only 21 and can only get better every year.
6. No excuses there, can’t back my man Pau up on that one. Pic was in poor taste. Most blame should be put on Spain’s PR people, though.
5.People forget that if Malone wasn’t injured, LA would have almost certainly won that series. While KB and Shaq were bickering, Malone was putting up almost triple double numbers until he got hist first major injury of his career. It’s too bad too, because obviously it would’ve pissed you off that much more.
4.Ummm, okay. Running out of reasons or what?
3.See #4
2.Love the “Anchorman” reference, always love me some Will Farrell. Ahhh, Kobe. Well, he is what he is. If you like him, you love him and if you don’t like him you at least have to respect his abilities. And if you don’t then you don’t know basketball.
1.Not much I can say about that other than Rudy T did come back and coach the Lakers, so….?
Dude...
Chill out man, this post is supposed to be a joke and make everyone laugh or chuckle, which 99% of us did.
About Rudy T, I believe he is still a scout with the Lakers as of today.
huh?
“This list sounds like it came from a fan you just pulled from the street who hates on the Lakers”
seriously? I hope your trash talk improves as the series goes on.
And I have never once claimed to be “professional” on this site. Ever. Fuck that noise.
Not talking trash
Just talking facts, it literally sounded like a list from a regular Houston fan, that’s all. If you want to see lame trash talk, take a look at the Lakers’ blog. Rockets fans come with some weak stuff.
And sorry for assuming you guys were professional because like I said, I frequent the L.A. Times’ blog and that’s the most professional blog I’ve been around. But answer me this, if you can use the word “fuck” then what names were you called that inevitably would have gotten peopled “banned”
I do
Like I said, wasn’t apart of that conversation so I didn’t know exactly what went on. Now I do and you’re right, that should definitely not be allowed. Just curious, in which blog did this take place?
I honestly don't remember
but a search for “laker blog” and “interview with lee and dave of the dream shake” should uncover the mystery blog.
also
for the record… I can be an arrogant, prickly, pompous ass myself. Which is why I like Phil and Kobe. I’m just listing those as “potential” reasons for others to despise the Lakers.
why
do opposing fans show up here and complain about some sort of bias against the Lakers? I’ve got two theories:
1) Y’all are the stupidest fans around, and simply can’t comprehend that his is a Rockets blog that does, in fact, “hate” on the Lakers, but justifiably so.
2) Y’all are the thinnest-skinned fans around, and simply can’t handle the slightest criticism of your favorite team.
Because it's fun
And it happens everywhere, yes, even Rockets fans come on the Lakers’ blog and talk trash. It just is what it is. Go to any other teams’ blog and you’ll find at least one fan from another team saying something. It is all in good fun, though.
it's not "talking trash"
you want to talk trash, go right on ahead. It’s bitching that a post on a Rockets blog is “biased.” Well no shit, Sherlock.
hu hu hu hu.........you said Y'all twice..............hu hu hu
"Don't I know you from somewhere"?. "Nah, that ain't me, I'm from Buffalo" - Axel Foley
Scola’s not nearly as annoying as Vujacic.
Straight from the No-Stat Zone to your computer!
Dunkin' Cheerleaders
Von Wafer
9.Yeah, the Lakers let Von go, just like 7 other teams did, you guys hate on them too?
We’re not playing any of them in a 7 game playoff series.
Number 9??
Why would we hate the Lakers for cutting Von. If anything we should be grateful to them for not seeing his potential and allowing us to get him. But being grateful to the lakers is a sin in my book so i dont know what emotion i get when it comes to #9 but its not hate.
Rockets Win Series 4-2
Up Next: Lakers
Good luck Rockets. Put 'em down
On the Gasol Chinee eyes thing: they were only trying to remind people in LA that there’s a world out there. People in LA often forget this. I live an hour south, and they don’t even know I’m there, which is cool because I can sneak up on them.
Either way, good luck and put those bastards DOWN!!!
I'm a really really ridiculously good looking orange mocha frappaccino drinking manhammer sandwich
Great site, great list.
I’m pulling for you guys to take them down. Point #7 is nothing we didn’t know already. I’m not the least bit surprised that you were bombarded with insults without explanation! Lakers fans are the worst in sports.
www.kateinafrica.wordpress.com
http://myspace.com/eme0916
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=569220294&ref=profile
Teams that start Luis Scola should NOT complain about Sash Vujacic's challenged sense of hair style — it is that simple.
Pontiff of the Pryz for Prez Posse...
But he hangs around Paris Hilton!
Oh wait, does that make him more punchable? Hmm… might be the question of the series.
I see the point of point 1, but...
By all accounts, and my memory, post-punch (Kermit became a Blazer), was that KW was extremely remorseful over the incident, backed up by independent psychological profiles that indicated that the violence was totally out of whack compared to KW’s “baseline” character.
But yeah that incident was nasty. I was a Rudy T fan back in the day
"The match in Los Angeles is a good opportunity to begin to demonstrate that we want to make war." Rudy Fernández (translated)
Hmmm
As a die hard lakers fan I’m sitting here watching game one lakers vs rockets… Although I am a laker fan WIN, LOSE OR TIE… I dont feel the need to sit here and bash the rockets (even though I think they are garbage) Simply looking at the STATS you can clearly see who the better team is.. BREAKDOWN!!!
Points per game
Lakers: 106.9 (3)
Rockets: 98.4 (17)
Steals Per Game
Lakers: 8.76 (2)
Rockets: 6.68 (26)
Field Goal Pct.
Lakers: 47.371 (4)
Rockets: 45.342 (22)
Just a few stats out of many… On paper Lakers are better than the rockets!! Call Mr. Jackson what you will, I like to call him the coach who wins.. Yeah thats right 9 rings.. And if you knew anything about him you would know they call him the Zen Master.. zen meaning Zen is a school of Mahāyāna Buddhism, referred to in Chinese as Chán. Chán is itself derived from the Sanskrit Dhyāna, which means “meditation”.. So when the writer calls him “Phil is that he’s often an arrogant prick.” He may want to read up on the practices of Buddhism…
Dont blame Kobe cuz Shaq cant play worth a damn anymore ( yeah, his team didnt even make it to the post season this year)…
Basically I could go on and on but I’m just going to leave it at Let the best team win.. ( and we will. Have fun fishing Huston ha ha ha) GO LAKERS!!!!
How'd that breakdown...
work out for you last night?
Yay, sports.
by MDC on May 5, 2009 9:25 AM CDT up reply actions
What a silly post
This was obviously done in jest, did you really not see that?
Of course the Lakers are better on paper. Lucky games aren’t played on paper.
www.TheDreamShake.com Co-Founder and Writer
2 things
1st, the above comment seems funnier now.
2nd. I thought of another reason to hate the Lakers. Tex Winter, one of their assistants, was at one time the coach of the Rockets. At the time, he stated that Rockets star, Elvin Hayes, had the worst basketball fundamentals he’d ever seen. And had him traded. What a douche.
All these boundaries - Africa, Asia, Malaysia, America - are set by men. But you don't have to look at boundaries when you are looking at a man - at the character of a man. The question is: What do you stand for? Are you a follower, or are you a leader? -Hakeem Olajuwon
How does this not have more Recs?
C’mon people get with it, this is covered in WINN Sauce! :)
Mike Goldberg: "You know Joe, When Matt and his brother Mark Hughes were growing up, they would pound each other behind the barn."
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Certain photos copyright © 2012 by Associated Press or Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Associated Press and Getty Images is strictly prohibited.
