ESPN Comes Clean, Acknowledges Existence of Mythical Houston Rockets
by Tom Martin on Jan 22, 2010 5:17 PM CST
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PrintMost of the following information may or may not be incredibly false, stupid, and unparalleled in immaturity.
Startling news today from ESPN. According to reports, the Houston Rockets will be playing the Utah Jazz on April 7th in a nationally televised game. Doesn't this contradict everything that we've heard so far?
I had been under the assumption that ESPN had no knowledge of any team known as the "Rockets." Here's a brief e-mail exchange between myself and an anonymous ESPN official that took place back in November:
Me: Don't you wish you had broadcasted the Rockets/Lakers game earlier this year?
ESPN Official: Uh, what? Hello? You're... you're breaking up on me.... can't hear any--- (gargle noise)... can't---(gargle gargle cough...deep breath... gargle cough)... never let go-- (sneeze-cough-roaring noise) ... beeeeeeeeeeeep.
Me: ...
I was not quite sure when ESPN was ready to admit the truth, but apparently, today is the day. Here is an article from the AP, hot off the presses. Actually, they sent it to me before they even printed it. Right.
According to multiple sources, ESPN has announced that they are prepared to acknowledge the Houston Rockets as an NBA team.
"It's been a long and difficult road," said ESPN. "But we think that this is a big step towards putting the events of the past behind us. We can't wait to meet Aaron Brooks. Still can't believe he ever revived his career after getting cut from the Saints."
ESPN has scheduled to broadcast the Rockets-Jazz game on April 7th. Mike Breen and Mark Jackson will call the game, as usual partner Jeff Van Gundy is recovering from a sudden case of amnesia. Van Gundy claims that he cannot remember any events of his life between 2003 and 2007.
"I... I just don't know what happened," said Van Gundy, adding that he hopes "there were absolutely no fast breaks."
ESPN has scheduled a press conference for 3:00 on February 30th to discuss the Rockets for the first time. For now, all they have said, in addition to the previous comment, is the following:
"Throughout the whole process, the main concern was our health. We admit that it is finally time to talk about the past, and all we can say for now is that the denial was solely to keep ourselves healthy. We wanted to be conservative back then. We definitely didn't want to hit any home runs... with the press."
(In all seriousness, the Rockets will be broadcasted nationally on the 7th. Can't say I give a rat's ass, though.)
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Damnit Tom
You beat me to the punch. I was hoping to make it to the front page again with my FanPost!
Seriously though, fuck ESPN/TNT/NBATV? and whoever else’s decision it was to not broadcast a single game for a team that at the very least made it to the playoffs last year. Fuck ‘em I say, take us back off national television. I love my no-name Rockets on FSN. Last year when we played on national TV I still watched it on FSN, Bill Clyde and Matt are far better than Reggie Mark and that other old dude or whoever the ESPN/TNT crew is. Not JVG though, he’s always talking good about us.
And I might be moving to San Antionio in the near future if my job promo works out. If you see a crazy indian dude on FSN wearing all Red and talking shit to all the Spurs fans in the audience when we play them, you’ll know its me :-)
cant blame em'
no yao, no t-mac…no show!, most of the rockets viewers are people who get racist cameras (http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20100122/wl_time/08599195464300), they arent exactly the favorite texas team, its a recession!
Racist cameras?
I’m slow, what does this mean?
Well yeah, no Yao or TMac, but its not like ESPN and TNT haven’t aired some stinkbombs already this year. They could have put us on in one of those “See how great team X is? This will be a coronation!” games.
lol
there’s an article on the yahoo home page about the nikon coolpix cameras being “racist” cause an asian chick i believe tried to take a pic and an error message kept occuring saying “did someone blink” http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20100122/wl_time/08599195464300 , but i agree, i’ve seen some espn matchups that have really been head scratchers, like the suns vs the clippers on christmas day, or somethin like that
Lots of my family has really squinchy eyes when they smile
I imagine the camera wouldn’t work so well for them, and they aren’t Asian. In fact my father in law’s eyes are more reminiscent of Clint Eastwood in spaghetti westerns.
Of course all those national Clippers games assumed Blake Griffin would be playing. Silly TV people, do you know nothing about the LA Clippers?
im aware
even if blake were to play…there’s nothing that would make me want to stop unwrapping my nintendo 64 to run to the television, its not like the clippers and the suns was/is a rival match up, or its not like blake wouldve been going head to head with hasheem thabeet
lol
Silly TV people, do you know nothing about the LA Clippers?
LOL her header in her blog was...
No! I did not blink! I’m Just Asian! Racist Camera!
I'd have to agree with you on no Yao, no TMac, that's factually true
But no show? Save the last two weeks, the Rockets have been nothing but great to watch! I don’t understand how everyone wants to watch Cleveland… cough, LeBron take every shot in the last 6 minutes of that game. That’s what makes the Rockets so much fun, you never know who’s going to score, cause they all can and will. That in itself should make them national TV-worthy, whatever the hell that means.
Well, people know about our Rockets now, even without them being on national TV
I’m following on the web. Even free Philippine TV have shown 4 Houston games already (the win against Portland, the win against Dallas, the loss to New Orleans, and I think the loss against San Antonio). Tomorrow it’s scheduled to show our Chicago game. So maybe those who run ur local network know more about basketball than ESPN, TNT, and ABC, lol
The National Recognition of Houston Teams,
You would think that Houston’s Pro Teams were minor league teams. I living In AZ, get to see the Rox on TV maybe 4 times a year well until they go and play tag with LAL in the playoffs. Being a Texan fan as well I have to tell people no seriously I am a Texan Fan. I wish ESPN, TNT etc would take our teams serious. I know that w/o Yao/McGrady, no one sees us as interesting but the Rox do have a fun team to watch.
That Press Conference Ain't Comin'
I know that most of the information may or may not be incredibly false, however, the validity of this story seems doubtful….only because there is no year, not even in the Year of the Yao, where a February 30th exist.
by Out of Place Rocket Fan on Jan 24, 2010 3:19 AM CST reply actions
uhhh
Ya think?
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