Need something to brighten your day? Try this:

1. Find an old Rockets game program from the '98-'99 season.  *Check*

2. Read through it until you come across the player portraits.  *Check*

3. Embrace the glory/approach Nirvana.  *Click the jump*

This.

"This is Matt Maloney of the Houston Rockets. If you choose a men's hair product, choose Rogaine."

Bryce Drew foreshadows his career as a professional basketball player.

Yes, Anthony Miller's tattoo literally says, "Zoink!"

This one is called "Intimidation Pose," by Antoine Carr.