Breaking NBA News (not real)

The following is all fiction:

David Stern finally admits to cheating Rick Adelman and the 2002 Sacramento Kingsin game 6 of the WCF against the Lakers. Also Phil Jackson has been arrested for pimping. A source at the Purple Heart truck says he sent some hoes to Stern just before the series. The agreement was for the hoes to give free sex to Stern if he could get the refs to cheat for Jackson's Lakers. The ice cream man is still investigating this story.

Rapper Tupac Shakur has been found and he is still alive as most suspected. A source at the graveyard says he is interested in signing with the Heat and he promised LeBron James he wouldn't sleep with his mom. 

In a related story, former Heat player and member of the 2006 NBA Champs Antoine Walker wants to make a return with the Heat and he wants a max contract. A source close to the homeless shelter says talks are making progress but he will only take less money if he doesn't have to play center. 

Shaquille O'neal reportedly hits three free throws in a row in NBA 2k11. A source at the buffet says he re-created himself in the game and made sure his FT shooting was at 100.

Greg Odenhas injured himself yet again. Sources close to a trashcan say Oden was arguing with a homeless guy. The bum told him he "is weaker than puppy piss" and followed with "you will never play 50 games in a season". The 3rd year center was then rushed to the ER with 3rd degree burns and hurt feelings. The doctors say it could be the end of his career.

In other news:
Hilton Armstrong signs a 1 year deal with the Utah Jazz worth dirty underwear and expired milk.

Tim Donaghy has been hired as the NBA's new head of officiating.

Jeff Van Gundy went to Bosley Medical and now he has hair on top of his head.

Brittney Greiner is really a man and is trying out for the Hawks.

Charles Barkley lost 1 pound.

And I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

Update: Trevor Ariza has kidnapped Courtney Lee. A source close to the gun store says Ariza contacted Gilbert Arenas for a few guns that he plans to use to intimidate the NBA to make the NBA reverse the trade. Rumor has it that LeBron James is in on this as well. He seems to still be angry Lee dunked on him, twice.

Update 2:Vikings QB Bret Favre has reportedly made his decision. A source close to the retirement home says he "will be taking his talents to Memphis" to play with the Grizzlies to play PG. Grizzlies management hs admitted to being disappointed in PG Mike Conley especially for everything. He "does nothing right". Farve is already the greatest player in franchise history, even at his age.

Update 3: New York Knick C Eddy Curry has just checked into rehab for his addiction to breast milk. A source at the nursery section of the hospital says Curry has been flirting with all of the new mothers in attempt to let him "get more of that white drank". Curry has gained 50 lbs in the last 24 hours.