How the Rockets are like Harry Potter

by rocketballa4life on Aug 13, 2010 3:46 PM CDT

I believe that the only reason that the Rockets are never great year in and year out, is because everyone on our team is a huge Harry Potter fan, and we strive to make ourselves like the fabled series of young wizards.

First off, the teams: We are obviously the most benevolent team in the NBA, which clearly makes us Gryffindor. Then Hufflepuff, an honorable yet "lame" house which honors hard work and dedication would have to be the San Antonio Spurs. A team characterized by cleverness and intelligence would be the Ravenclaw team, also known as the L.A. Lakers. Lastly, an evil team known for all around bull-shittery and (asshole-esque) behavior (Slytherin) would be the Utah J-ass.

Now, we must analyze a few of our players in search of allusions to Ms. Rowling's novels.

Aaron Brooks: Obviously our hero that saved our entire house from sure destruction last season: Harry Potter

Shane Battier: The smartest most logical person on our team: Hermione Granger

Chase Budinger: He is a ginger: Ron Weasly

Luis Scola: A big guy you can't help but love: Hagrid

Chuck Hayes: Everyone loves him yet his hidden qualities are always well... hidden: Neville Longbottom

Yao Ming: Capable of surprising everyone with his news, whether its his sexuality or his retirement plans: Dumbledore (Even though he's not part of any house. Free agent I guess?)

Still skeptical? Well for the final nail in the coffin, we look toward our small forward position: The defense against the dark arts position. Just 3 Years ago, the position was happily filled by Battier. Then, it was cursed with the presence of Ron Artest. Following a season of crazypills, we signed a determined Ariza, and we all know what happened then. BRICK BRICK airball BRICK. Now it is filled by a promising Courtney Lee. May God have mercy on him.

No cursing in title. No pirated material, such as links to online game streams. Do not cut/paste entire sections of content from other websites. Thanks.

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Comments

You are such a dork

I rec’d this.

The player I would like least at #9 would be my sister’s cat, Captain Creamsicle. She does have a great work ethic and agility, but I’m really concerned that at 9 lbs., she’s too small to play safety in the NFL. She also bites way too often on play action and is easily distracted by someone waving string in the crowd. Lastly, her wonderlic score was pretty awful, answering "meow meow meow" for most of the questions- Dr. Brackish Okun

by mob16151 on Aug 13, 2010 5:04 PM CDT reply actions