FanPost

How the Rockets are like Harry Potter


I believe that the only reason that the Rockets are never great year in and year out, is because everyone on our team is a huge Harry Potter fan, and we strive to make ourselves like the fabled series of young wizards.

First off, the teams: We are obviously the most benevolent team in the NBA, which clearly makes us Gryffindor. Then Hufflepuff, an honorable yet "lame" house which honors hard work and dedication would have to be the San Antonio Spurs. A team characterized by cleverness and intelligence would be the Ravenclaw team, also known as the L.A. Lakers. Lastly, an evil team known for all around bull-shittery and (asshole-esque) behavior (Slytherin) would be the Utah J-ass.

Now, we must analyze a few of our players in search of allusions to Ms. Rowling's novels. 

Aaron Brooks: Obviously our hero that saved our entire house from sure destruction last season: Harry Potter

Shane Battier: The smartest most logical person on our team: Hermione Granger

Chase Budinger: He is a ginger: Ron Weasly

Luis Scola: A big guy you can't help but love: Hagrid

Chuck Hayes: Everyone loves him yet his hidden qualities are always well... hidden: Neville Longbottom 

Yao Ming: Capable of surprising everyone with his news, whether its his sexuality or his retirement plans: Dumbledore (Even though he's not part of any house. Free agent I guess?)

 

Still skeptical? Well for the final nail in the coffin, we look toward our small forward position: The defense against the dark arts position. Just 3 Years ago, the position was happily filled by Battier. Then, it was cursed with the presence of Ron Artest. Following a season of crazypills, we signed a determined Ariza, and we all know what happened then. BRICK BRICK airball BRICK. Now it is filled by a promising Courtney Lee. May God have mercy on him.

No cursing in title. No pirated material, such as links to online game streams. Do not cut/paste entire sections of content from other websites. Thanks.

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