To: Chandler Parsons
From: The Dream Shake
Re: Your Jersey #
We are all happy to have you as a member of the Houston Rockets. As the 38th overall selection in the 2011 NBA Draft, we do not find it too early to consider you yet another Daryl Morey "steal" of a non-lottery pick. You have even managed to outperform Marcus Morris so far in the eyes of Kevin McHale and pretty much anyone who (a) is not blind and/or (b) did not attend the University of Kansas.
In short, we like you and we really appreciate your contributions so far.
There is just one problem. And it's kind of a big deal.
It's about your uniform.
While I know you are quite fond of #25, it does not belong to you.
That's Robert Horry's number. We kindly have to request that you give it back. For it is rather insulting to Mr. Horry for you to walk around wearing his number, but unable to wear any championship rings as an accessory to it. If you did not know, Horry has seven of his own. Seven! Two with the Rockets. (Note: # of rings the Rockets had before Big Shot Rob? 0. # of rings the Rockets have after Big Shot Rob? 0. Sense a theme?)
So, please, for the sake of all that is good and right and holy -- find a new number.
Because Houston Rockets #25 will always belong to Robert Horry. You know, this guy:
Mr. Parsons, you are no Robert Horry. At least not yet.
Give him back his jersey! ***
*** which, by the way, should have been hanging from the rafters of the Toyota Center a long, long time ago.