Yao Ming Puts The Hall Of Fame On Hold

SHANGHAI, CHINA - JULY 23: Former NBA basketball player Yao Ming attends the Women's 3m Springboard Final during Day Eight of the 14th FINA World Championships at the Oriental Sports Center on July 23, 2011 in Shanghai, China. (Photo by Clive Rose/Getty Images)

Yao Ming reportedly says he's not ready for the Basketball Hall of Fame. Here's why:

Yao Ming: "Hello?"

Basketball Hall of Fame: "Mr. Yao Ming."

Yao: "Yes."

HoF: "Mr. Ming--"

Yao: "Call me Yao."

HoF: "Mr. Yao, this is the Basketball Hall of Fame. We're calling to offer you an invitation--"

Yao: "I am Bono."

(silence)

Yao: "Can you see my new glasses?

HoF: "This is a telephone."

Yao: "If you saw my new glasses you would say I am Bono."

HoF: "The two of you would still look slightly different."

Yao: "Nuh-uh."

HoF: "Yes, I think you would."

Yao: "Atch-tounge, baby."

HoF: "Listen, Yao: we'd like to let you know that you may be inducted--"

Yao: "Hold on."

HoF: "Excuse me?"

Yao: "Hold on a second."

HoF: "Is something wrong?"

Yao: "My macaroni is almost done."

HoF: "Stouffer's?"

Yao: "Banquet. Only a dollar, best deal ever."

HoF: "Right, right. Forgot your contract expired."

(silence)

HoF: "I'm sorry, I also forgot, what did you say we should call you?"

Yao: "You can call me Yao."

(*snickering*)

HoF: "That sorta sounds like that Paul Simon song."

Yao: "Which Bono song is that?"

HoF: "Nothing. Er, Yao, can you do something for me?"

Yao: "Yes what."

HoF: "After I finish talking, can you say that again?"

Yao: "Say what."

HoF: "You can call me Yao."

Yao: "I think that is strange but okay."

HoF: "Okay, okay... are you ready? This is going to be great."

Yao: "I am ready."

HoF: "Okay... just... just go with it."

(clears throat)

HoF: "If you'll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost--"

Yao: "You can call me Yao."

(silence)

Yao: "That didn't sound like Bono."

HoF: "No, no. See, you need to wait until I'm finished."

Yao: "You were finished."

HoF: "No, I wasn't."

Yao: "I have to ask you why are we doing this."

HoF: "Just give it one more try, all right? Just one more try. Here we go."

Yao: "My Banquet is getting cold, the directions say it will get cold."

HoF: "If you'll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost--"

Yao: "Macaroni is cold."

(silence)

Yao: "You can call me Yao."

(frustrated breathing over phone)

HoF: "I can call you Betty. And Betty when you call me..."

(silence)

HoF: "Pst."

(silence)

Yao: "Is this where I am supposed to say things?"

HoF: "Yes but... you know... forget about it. It was a silly idea. I don't even like Paul Simon."

Yao: "Who?"

HoF: "Nothing. Listen, Mr. Yao, we'd like to invite you to join the Basketball Hall of Fame. As a contributor."

Yao: "A what."

HoF: "A contributor, an innovator - someone who made the game better off the court."

Yao: "That is silly, I want to go in as a player. Have you seen my jump hook?"

HoF: "Well, see, we're not entirely convinced that you were good enough--"

Yao: "F*ck this."

*click*

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