The BP Spill Episode 4

HOW'S MY 33 POINTS TASTE?! - USA TODAY Sports

Brandon and Prado join forces to dole out Christmas presents to the Rockets and discuss Chandler Parsons and Scott Machado.

Prado: I think Tom has already received the proper send off so we'll only do a quick, "Best of luck" to our departed leader. Hope that "journalism" thing works out for you, Bro. You really chose a stable industry to work in. (BD34 note: Prado works in journalism)

BD34: I already gave Tom my salutations on Twitter and on here but I have to put a big thank you out for the guy that tolerated all my trolling, massive flame wars, and complete dickery when I first showed up at TDS then noticed some modicum of talent and moderate enough trolling to generate discussion around here. I wish you the best and always remember, I was your biggest mistake here at TDS. For that, I am grateful.

This week we talk Chandler Parsons, Scott Machado, more Lin crap and we also survey the Rockets' holiday plans.

Prado: I was able to catch a Vipers game a few weeks back and ran into Scott Machado. I have a soft spot for Machado because I think his story is compelling. He's such a flawed player but I think he's such a great passer that it almost makes up for his deficiencies. He didn't start in his game against the Tulsa 66ers that I attended (Jeremy Lamb was there, and I spent a little too much time thinking about what may have been) but once he got on the court there was an unexplainable shift in the quality of play on the court. The guy balls hard. He's got 66 assists for the Vipers in nine games, the next guy after him only has 18.

Is there a chance this guy could make it to meaningful minutes for the Rockets?

BD34: Had you asked me this question a couple weeks ago I would have said absolutely. If he could learn to keep himself composed and hit a shot reliably there would be a spot for him here. Now that Toney Douglas decided to remember how to play basketball? I'm not all that convinced. This is really compounded by the way the Rockets play on the second unit. Usually Lin or Harden quarterbacks the second unit and the point guard on that rotation needs to be a shooter. Unfortunately for the Rockets, this is where Aaron Brooks would have been perfect.

Prado: First question this week:

First, facts : Chandler Parsons is shooting a little under 40% at the 3pts line, but in the fourth he's shoting a little over 60%. I don't have the exact amount of shots taken by quarter but if he's taken an equal number of shots each quarter, that would mean he shots 32% in the first 3 quarters, that would mean his 3pts percentage is almost twice as good in the fourth.

Next, question : How do you explain it ? Is it random? Is it beacause aliens that put him an anal probe? Is it that "clutch gene" thing? Is it because Chandler, being the bro that he is, never get to sleep before 5am and therefore is never fully awake before the 4th?

Anyway, keep up the good work gurlz.

Rliise

BD34: The secret to Parson's success has to be his devilish good looks (Prado is furiously nodding at this). No one that good looking gets winded down the stretch. At anything. Ladies. Chandler really is just clutch. This is the point in the write up where I tell you to go listen to Social Distortion's "I Was Wrong". Yes, write that down, TDS. I said Parsons would hit a slump in his sophomore year but he must have taken my doubt and put it on a whiteboard in the locker room because he has made me look like an ass. He's athletic, he's clutch, he's well rounded on the floor, and he's what we've been looking for at the 3. Even better, he's completely marketable. He's performing when it matters and having some monster games for us.

If you're looking for an explanation for it, I gotta say, I think Florida set him up for the NBA game. He was the guy on his team, he stayed for four years, he knows what's expected of him here, and the development of talent for the Rockets has always been a strong point. If he can continue the arc he's on we've got a steal from the second round.

Next question:

What gifts would you give the players and coach(es) for Christmas?

What New Year's resolutions do you think the team, players or coach(es) should have for 2013?

Chikit, Corpuz

Prado: The temptation to give Jeremy Lin a pokemon card set is just too high for me. Harry Potter was given his father's invisibility cloak his first Christmas at Hogwarts, It's possible that Marcus Morris got his early. Seriously, have you heard anything about Morris this season besides nothing?

Would it be bad form to give Lin and Harden the number to a good marriage counselor?

New Years Resolutions: Sign another free agent. Better Rotations. Playoffs?

BD34: Gifts... Hm... Jeremy Lin gets a scope, he needs to dial in from range consistently. Harden gets a VIP Table at the Spearmint Rhino (Judging from his Twitter). Parsons gets a new beer pong set. Morris is getting a copy of Hello Kitty Island Adventure because it describes his NBA Career. Asik is getting "The Best of Nicholas Cage" cause he kind of looks like him. Patterson? Creatine powder. The guy is built like a bull. Douglas is getting a five hour energy because he likes to come on late and needs to start earlier. Carlos Delfino? Better tattoos, seriously, yours are sad. Greg Smith is getting facial hair. He's gotta start looking older. Lose the baby face, bro. Cole Aldrich is getting a thunderous kick in the schlong. Just hoping that'll make him a better basketball player. Jones and Motiejunas are getting IOU's. McHale is getting a get out of jail free card from whatever deity he claims allegiance to. He's owed one.

As for New Years Resolutions? The team collectively will be to stop f*cking off when James Harden is having a big game. They also have to resolve to find out what the Hell Toney Douglas started doing to stop sucking at the NBA Level.

Prado: I was thinking the other day, with the conversation about the Rockets always being about acquiring that "missing piece", what if they went the other way and just decided to sign the first available Name? In other words, who would be five players that you'd love to see in a Rocket uni?. Nevermind if they "fit" together or are "no longer alive" and all that, just people that you'd like to see on your team. The All-Aesthetic Team if you will.

Mine:

PG: World B. Free (By far one of the coolest names in basketball history, and sweetest balding 'fro too) I'd want Ricky Rubio as his back up.

SG: Andre Johnson backed up by Jeremy Lamb and his nice smile.

SF: Scottie Pippen Backed up by Young Lamar Odom and his dead baby.

PF: Donatas Motiejunas back up by Charles Oakley (yeah, I have that right)

C: Jonas Valanciunas (I like the idea of these to Lithuanian towers being the softest front court in the NBA. I always trade for Valanciunas in 2k13) Backed up by Dikembe's wagging finger.

Role Players:

Chandler Bang (Leads the league in dreaminess)

Dennis Rodman's Wedding Dress (which is probably a better rebounder than Patrick Patterson)

Thoughts?

BD34: I don't drop this comment lightly, but this topic is pants on head retarded. If we're going "all aesthetic" I'm going to assume we're just naming off good-looking athletes. In which case, out I come:

PG (Floor quarterback): This makes me sick, but Tom Brady is a good looking guy.

SG (Floor HB): CJ Spiller

SF (Floor TE/utility): Chandler Parsons (All time dreaminess leader)

PF (Floor enforcer): Patrick Kaleta (Suck it, Sabres reference!)

C ( Biggest guy around): Donatas Motiejunas. He's a good looking man

I homered every pick there and I don't care about it. At all. How about we go ahead and rename the teams of the NBA to better fit their cities.

New Orleans Hurricanes

Prado:

Washington Magic Bullets

(It works as a throwback, DC conspiracy theory, and lets not forget Gilbert Arenas.)

Utah Big Love

BD34: Los Angeles Dumpster Fires, Chicago Coronaries (Seriously, have you SEEN Chicago's food?).

Prado: I'm assuming the Dumpster Fires are the Clippers, which I guess would make the Lakers the LA Riots.

We'll finish off California with Sacramento who we will just go ahead and rename the Virginia Confederates.

Are we doing one of these next week for next week on Jesus's birthday?

BD34: I'm gonna be with family and you couldn't do this without my even handedness.

Have a great Holiday season and remember, if you get plastered go ahead and call a taxi. I don't want readership to dwindle because you were too skunked to make a smart decision. As always, tweet mean crap at me or Prado using @QuestionablyBD or @AiPrado or hit us up at tdsbpspill@gmail.com

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