About Last Night: What Just Happened?

Russ Isabella-USA TODAY Sports

AK delves into the comments sections to find the gems from last night. NSFW would be an understatement.

So last night I missed the game (I know...). We were playing basketball and one of my friends collided head-on with another player, opening up a cut above his eye. At the time it was roughly 9:30. We cleaned up the cut with water and headed over the emergency room because even though I'm not a doctor yet it was already pretty obvious he would need stitches.

Now at this point, it was halftime and the Rockets were up 18. James Harden had just broken Utah with a dunk Shawn Kemp would be proud of, and the Rockets were rolling. Still, in my infinite pessimism (I call it being realistic, but that's BS) I figured Utah would make a run. After all, you don't go into Utah and lay a beatdown. The Jazz would come out of halftime pumped and the lead would be single digits a few minutes in.

I didn't check my phone as we did the paperwork in the ER and got the wound cleaned out and wrapped. It was only once we went back to sit down and wait (time: 10:15) that I saw the carnage. Utah hadn't come out pumped after halftime. In fact, it looked like they hadn't come back at all. We were up 29, then 40, then 50 for a brief second. The tweets kept coming, and I kept wondering if it was possible to be physically attracted to a score line.

So once it was all said and done, I went through the game the only way I knew how: comments. I went back and forth between The Dream Shake and SLC Dunk, the Jazz's SB Nation site. No trolling took place and I didn't make any comments over there at all. So what follows is essentially an oral history of the first half of last night. If there's interest I can do the second half.

Pre-Game

Spirits are high in Jazz-ville. They're on a roll after all, and our precious Rockettes have no chance.

Lets go Jazz!

Keep it rolling!

by JazzMT on Jan 28, 2013 8:10 PM CST reply actions

Onward to victory

by gubihero on Jan 28, 2013 8:05 PM CST reply actions

TDS was a bit different.

Fuck the Jazz

by Camouflage14 on Jan 28, 2013 7:04 PM CST reply actions 6 recs

Predictions:

Harden: 34 points.
Lin: 15 points and 12 assists.
Asik: Like, a gazillion dunks.
Parsons: 20 points and not a hair out of place.

by pkattk on Jan 28, 2013 7:35 PM CST reply actions

Oh, I forgot:

Delfino: 6 threes and 4 funny faces.

by pkattk on Jan 28, 2013 7:38 PM CST up reply actions

and the bench doing a funny dance

by just a word on Jan 28, 2013 7:41 PM CST up reply actions

Both teams were worried about Joey Crawford getting the call to ref. I find it hilarious how every team hates him. Even the Lakers fans believe he's out to screw their team, whereas any other fan knows in their soul that all he does is help the Lakers win.

We'll start in SLC.

Joe Crawford officiating

yay

by rbmw263 on Jan 28, 2013 7:54 PM CST reply actions

Well, that's a loss.

by KaBar6 on Jan 28, 2013 8:03 PM CST up reply actions

Rockets fans weren't happy either.

FML: JOE CRAWFORD

via Feigen.

Well, Harden better not count on 3’s the old fashioned way…

by just a word on Jan 28, 2013 8:03 PM CST reply actions

joey crawford is reffing tonight?

by Rockets7 on Jan 28, 2013 8:04 PM CST up reply actions

apparently =(

by just a word on Jan 28, 2013 8:05 PM CST up reply actions

crap!

by Rockets7 on Jan 28, 2013 8:07 PM CST up reply actions

Not a good sign...

by nicssin on Jan 28, 2013 8:08 PM CST up reply actions

Early On

The game is all Rockets and the Jazz fans aren't happy

SLC Dunk:

Starters not looking very good so far

by BadVoodoo on Jan 28, 2013 8:12 PM CST reply actions

Way to impose our will early. :(

by JazzMT on Jan 28, 2013 8:14 PM CST up reply actions

boring

by KaBar6 on Jan 28, 2013 8:15 PM CST reply actions

so no defense tonight?

by nkeith on Jan 28, 2013 8:15 PM CST reply actions

TDS:

Shots are falling

So far so good

by eagles2zc on Jan 28, 2013 8:12 PM CST reply actions

pat fighting for boards

good

by just a word on Jan 28, 2013 8:12 PM CST reply actions

Is that 4 rebounds for asik in 3 mins?

by Rockets7 on Jan 28, 2013 8:13 PM CST reply actions

Hey look at Lin getting his!

by OJ ATM on Jan 28, 2013 8:13 PM CST reply actions

This game seems so calm

by BostonRoxFan on Jan 28, 2013 8:14 PM CST reply actions

yessss nice start. love harden breaking up the 2 on 1

by TexansAddict on Jan 28, 2013 8:16 PM CST reply actions

Harden defense sighting!

by BostonRoxFan on Jan 28, 2013 8:16 PM CST up reply actions

Asik now 6 rebounds!

Going for 20.

by Rockets7 on Jan 28, 2013 8:19 PM CST reply actions

Throughout the game the Jazz fans wanted their bench in the game.

Our starting lineup is just stupid

That’s all.

by Yucca Man on Jan 28, 2013 8:21 PM CST reply actions

So, Tinsley, Watson and Foye have all been blown off the dribble

already. Gordon is out. 50/50 Corbin just lets the Rockets get those points versus trying to play Burks or DMC let alone both together.

by BadVoodoo on Jan 28, 2013 8:26 PM CST reply actions

Sucks not having any Hayward tonight

At least this means more Burks

by G Note on Jan 28, 2013 8:30 PM CST reply actions

Is it strange

That I’m never sure if the crowd cheers for the starter coming out or the bench player coming in?

by LoWBlok on Jan 28, 2013 8:31 PM CST via iPhone app reply actions

Carlos Delfino comes in, and everything's coming up Milhouse!

DELFINO! <3

by just a word on Jan 28, 2013 8:22 PM CST reply actions

Del3no on fire

by RumTMC on Jan 28, 2013 8:35 PM CST reply actions

Del fucking 3noooo

by TexansAddict on Jan 28, 2013 8:36 PM CST reply actions

Delfino in spanish means "of the fino"

by pleaseplaykindle on Jan 28, 2013 8:36 PM CST reply actions 1 recs

lol

by BostonRoxFan on Jan 28, 2013 8:36 PM CST up reply actions

lol

by sp1ker on Jan 28, 2013 8:37 PM CST up reply actions

DELFINO IS ON FIRE

by VBG on Jan 28, 2013 8:39 PM CST reply actions

Delfino can't miss a 3

by the.dark.knight on Jan 28, 2013 8:40 PM CST reply actions

deflino means business tonight

no funny faces until the game is in hand

by TexansAddict on Jan 28, 2013 8:41 PM CST reply actions

#DelThreeNo

My twitter: @GoRockets7
Go Rockets, Royals and Chargers.

by Rockets7 on Jan 28, 2013 8:41 PM CST reply actions

love it!!

by USAKnicksfan on Jan 28, 2013 8:41 PM CST up reply actions

#DelThreeYes

by VBG on Jan 28, 2013 8:42 PM CST up reply actions

Boo Birds

The Rockets are cruising to a 15 point lead when the boo birds come out, but not before the best exchange of the night occurs.

I skipped out on a date to watch this game

What a huge mistake

by G Note on Jan 28, 2013 8:44 PM CST reply actions

Yes, yes it was.

by BadVoodoo on Jan 28, 2013 8:44 PM CST up reply actions

Dude...

Smh. I saw twilight with the lady over a Jazz game, it wasn’t a bad decision.

by KaBar6 on Jan 28, 2013 8:46 PM CST up reply actions

I'm trying to salvage the date by bailing on this game at half time

The Jazz are my first love but I can’t love the, when they look like this

by G Note on Jan 28, 2013 8:47 PM CST up reply actions

do it, and god speed

You’ll be glad you did.

by KaBar6 on Jan 28, 2013 8:48 PM CST up reply actions

Tell her you were seeing to a sick friend

it's not a lie; it's just stretching the definition of friend.

by BadVoodoo on Jan 28, 2013 8:49 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs

"My sick friend died today"...

by G Note on Jan 28, 2013 8:51 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs

BOOOOO!!!

Indeed.

by Borgs on Jan 28, 2013 8:58 PM CST reply actions

wow we're just getting murdered

by nkeith on Jan 28, 2013 8:59 PM CST reply actions

TDS fans just found that hilarious.

I think they’re booing.

"The King is never alone, for his wishes are our wishes!"

by Barragan on Jan 28, 2013 8:49 PM CST reply actions

lol utah fans booing

Beards on Parade in the city of Houston
I forever trust in Rick Smith and Daryl Morey

by TexansAddict on Jan 28, 2013 8:49 PM CST reply actions

I know it's early but it's always nice to put a spanking on the Jazz

especially at SLC

by goingforthecorner on Jan 28, 2013 8:53 PM CST reply actions

The Dunk

Then James Harden effectively ended everything.

SLC Dunk:

James Harden just posterized

NOBODY!!!!

Cuz nobody gave a crap.

by Yucca Man on Jan 28, 2013 9:01 PM CST reply actions 1 recs

My goodness Harden.

by lil'todd on Jan 28, 2013 9:01 PM CST up reply actions

The Dream Shake was a bit more excited about it:

HARDEN BOOOOOOOOOOOOM

by VBG on Jan 28, 2013 9:00 PM CST reply actions

SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

by inquisitiveman on Jan 28, 2013 9:00 PM CST reply actions

Looks like Harden hates the Jazz as well

that was an F U dunk

by twinkilling0303 on Jan 28, 2013 9:01 PM CST reply actions

DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

by BuckeyeBob on Jan 28, 2013 9:01 PM CST reply actions

Statement:

Fear the freaking beard.

by lucnguye92 on Jan 28, 2013 9:01 PM CST reply actions

Sorry that the formatting got screwy at times. The editor is not really equipped to handle this much awesome.

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