Late on Monday evening, I did something I told myself I would never do:

I created a Twitter account. Yes, @grungedave is now a thing.

I kinda sorta hate myself for doing this, but... hey, there's important people to follow. Some of them even have the ability to break news. And some are just awesome like Arian Foster. And I feel I have been missing out.

With the Rockets playing the Spurs yet again tonight, I figured this might be an excellent opportunity to test out the limits of this new social media network. How many angry tweets does it take to break the system? If the Rockets continue to play shoddy defense and miss free throws, I'll quickly forget they won 9 of 10. Equally relevant, how many times will Timmah and Frenchy piss me off? And how can I adequately express my emotional state in 140 characters or less?

Just the thing that might work better on Twitter than it would in a comments section here (maybe).

Oh, and GO ROCKETS! (In this weird season, the Rockets suddenly have just as good a chance as anyone to win the West. Even if it won't count for anything in the end.)

* also, if anyone has good suggestions on NBA players/media/personnel worth following, post some names for me in the comments. Thanks!

MEMORANDUM

To: Chandler Parsons

From: The Dream Shake

Re: Your Jersey #

___________________

Dear Chandler,

We are all happy to have you as a member of the Houston Rockets. As the 38th overall selection in the 2011 NBA Draft, we do not find it too early to consider you yet another Daryl Morey "steal" of a non-lottery pick. You have even managed to outperform Marcus Morris so far in the eyes of Kevin McHale and pretty much anyone who (a) is not blind and/or (b) did not attend the University of Kansas.

In short, we like you and we really appreciate your contributions so far.

There is just one problem. And it's kind of a big deal.

It's about your uniform.

While I know you are quite fond of #25, it does not belong to you.

That's Robert Horry's number. We kindly have to request that you give it back. For it is rather insulting to Mr. Horry for you to walk around wearing his number, but unable to wear any championship rings as an accessory to it. If you did not know, Horry has seven of his own. Seven! Two with the Rockets. (Note: # of rings the Rockets had before Big Shot Rob? 0. # of rings the Rockets have after Big Shot Rob? 0. Sense a theme?)

So, please, for the sake of all that is good and right and holy -- find a new number.

Because Houston Rockets #25 will always belong to Robert Horry. You know, this guy:

Mr. Parsons, you are no Robert Horry. At least not yet.

Give him back his jersey! ***

*** which, by the way, should have been hanging from the rafters of the Toyota Center a long, long time ago.

Yao Ming reportedly says he's not ready for the Basketball Hall of Fame. Here's why:

Continue reading this post »

Chase Budinger is getting a chance to workout and play a sport he loves during the lockout according to him and ESPN.  (Link)  He's a ridiculous athlete and volleyball is something that appears to come naturally to him.  At least based on the few highlights from his high school days that I've seen.   

Like here, where he's like 12 feet in the air at his hand

Or here where the ground still hasn't recovered

And here are a few highlights in one video

Good for you Chase taking some time to do what you love to do.  I'm thinking a few of the guys on the pro circuit (who I realize are pretty awesome themselves) won't know what hit them

Hey, Donnie. We found Frank.

Actually, Daryl Morey apparently met a new friend in Shanghai. No word on whether he plans to use the bunny's estimated 9-foot frame to fill Houston's void at center. Apparently the bunny's standing vertical, work ethic and uninspiring interviews left much to be desired.

Much love, Tacky Tourist Photos.

It's so bad right now here at The Dream Shake that I'M the one breaking the silence and writing.  Seriously, it has to get pretty bad for that to happen, right?  I mean, only OAL coming out of nowhere and writing something would be more surprising, right?  

I know that BD34, (our resident love him or hate him addition to the team, because no one loves Dave) already broke down the Owners vs. Players scenario, but I quickly have to get this off my chest.  I am pro-players.  

There, I said it.  Ok, I've said it in other words before, but it's true.  I'm not 100% on their side, clearly there are teams losing money, that's really not arguable.  The question I have is, whose fault is that?  To me, there is no way we can blame that on the players.  No one makes a the Pacers pay 10.5 million on Mike Dunleavy.  They did that all on their own.  As did the Bobcats in giving Boris Diaw 9 million.  The Maloofs pay Samuel Dalembert 12.5 million?  Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.  Joe Johnson and Rudy Gay are max players?  Also smashing decisions.  And what's worse, all of those were terrible decisions at the time of the contracts, not just in retrospect.  Am I really able to blame the players for accepting those contracts?  I would have too, and so would you.  

Fans ripping the players for striking is ridiculous.  First of all, the players didn't strike, the owners locked them out.  There is a big difference.  I've even seen our own commenters ripping Kevin Durant for this comment:

Durant says "no matter how long the lockout's going to take, we're going to stand up. We're not going to give in."

What exactly in that comment is bad?  Do you expect him to say: "we're going to cave and let the owners have everything they want"?  That would be stupid.  You don't like the sentiment that they aren't going to give in?  I'm fine with that, but I can't in good conscience agree with your line of thinking.  The players are behind the 8 ball.  The NBA has a ton of leverage because, frankly, a lot of NBA players are as smart with their money as Frank McCourt has been with the Dodgers money.  

So is that the deal?  Those strictly on the owners side think that the players make too much money so they should just suck it up?  Then where do you think that money will go if the players don't get it?  To charity?  To workers on the team?  Because the answer is neither, unless an owners tax burden gets too high and they need a write off.  They're good at those, especially depreciating players like they are old milk cows and then saying those are real losses.  And they are good at taking operating expenses and players salaries and finding ways to deduct them from the bottom line twice.  

That's, again, not to say that some teams aren't losing money.  But the answer there is contraction.  The league has no business being in multiple of the cities it's in.  The product is watered down by 2-4 too many teams as are the books.  If they want to contract and leave salaries where they are, I think that would be a logical move.  If you are losing money because you are stupid, then I have no sympathy for you.  If you are losing money because you simply can't compete in your market, well, isn't that a form of stupidity too?  Contraction would allow the NBA to truly build the NBDL up like it should as well.

This argument is about money.  Isn't every argument?  And the owners have made bad decisions with their money.  Instead of changing those decisions, they are trying to regulate the game to protect them from themselves.  

And to everyone saying that players shouldn't go overseas.  Frankly, I think you are wrong.  It's one of the easiest, and fastest ways they have to gain immediate leverage.  No, they shouldn't go to certain places, but there are plenty of countries where they are safe and there are plenty of insurance companies ready to write policies for them.  Go make a few million, grow the game outside of the country and let the NBA know that they cannot simply make up numbers and come to a negotiation.  

Here's the last thing I have:  If you believe the owners are right, then make them open their books 100%.  There is nothing to hide if they are truly losing money and the books are kept, so it should literally be as simple as producing them from the year before.  Oh, some are committing fraud on their taxes?  Wait, some are taking out the expense of purchasing the team and calling that a loss?  Some are saying that building a new building is a basketball loss?  Great, so they're lying.  That's pretty much the point.  And if they aren't, they have no reason to keep the books closed or only partially open.  

And Yao just retired too?  I have no nice words for that event.   For Yao I have plenty, but for his feet and legs forsaking such a good person I have none.

I know, I know. You're totally like, "Oh, snap!" AK writing something else? But he just wrote something the other day? I thought he went into his cave during the offseason, only to reappear in the Fall like that stupid cat that always prowls your neighborhood.

Well, it's here. We all know Daryl Morey loves the 2009 draft. Loves it. Can't get enough. If he could dump his wife for it, it would have happened already. New York moved one step closer to making Daryl's dreams come true. Same-sex marriages come first, then you get human-inanimate past object marriages. Duh. We've got about 20 lawyers on this blog. They'll all back me up.

So, I decided to figure out a way for Morey to get the entire 2009 lottery. All 14 players. Ready, because it's about to get awesome.

Continue reading this post »

Oh, Happy Day! 

Shaquille O'Neal has announced his retirement. 

Alas, I'm sure there will be another lazy, oversized 30 year old going on 13 to take his place...

/Team Kobe

All joking aside, Shaq was the last active member of the 1992 draft class.  The same group that brought us Alonzo Mourning, Baby Jordan, Latrell Sprewell, Christian Laettner and some guy by the name of Robert Horry.