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Carl Landry might be wearing a new uniform, but he isn't a non-Rocket just yet. That doesn't make sense, until you realize what this picture and this post have in common.

Take a look at the shoes that Carl is wearing in the photo above. Then look at the purple kicks behind him. They clearly don't match. Why? Because Carl is still wearing his Rockets' sneakers. You can tell by the red lining the top and bottom of the shoe.

Bill Worrell noted that one of the Kings' trainers colored over as much red as possible with a black marker, nearly ending any association that Carl had left with Houston. There is still that red sliver of Rocketness in him, until the new shoes come in, of course.

And that F=MA is perfect. Dare Kings fans decide to call him "The Scientist" or "The Physicist?" Eh, probably not.

More photos » Chuck Burton - AP

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Michael Jordan's recent purchase of the Charlotte Bobcats has been coupled (by a Charlotte Observer writer) with a desire to rename the young franchise:

If Michael Jordan listens to his customers, and potential customers, he'll seriously consider a name change from "Bobcats" once his purchase of Charlotte's NBA franchise is complete.

Personally, I agree. "Bobcats," as has been noted so many times in so many places, sounds like a high school or college team. It doesn't have that "pro" feel to it, whatever that means (I think Wittgenstein had something to say about "resemblance" that might help here). But all the good pro names are taken - the generic stuff (Hawks, Grizzlies, etc.) is being used in the NBA itself, while it just feels weird to take one of the NFL or baseball's generic names (Bears, Lions, Tigers).

Fortunately, the NBA's internet community is here to help. BDL's Trey Kirby has some ideas:

- Michaeljordancats: Keeps with the tradition of naming the franchise after its owner.

- Sonics: Hey, it's available.

- Mints: Refers to the Charlotte Mint, which was founded in 1837 after that nation's first gold rush. They'd have to wear those green jerseys all the time though.

- Limoges: This is a shout-out to one of Charlotte's sister cities in France. It has the added benefit of keeping Boris Diaw(notes) happy, which means it'll keep Boris Diaw skinny, which means it'll keep Boris Diaw good at basketball.

- Grahams: Charlotte is the birthplace of evangelist Billy Graham, and giving him a nod would be great for the rabid Christian fan base that's so important in that region.

...while Rob Mahoney at Hardwood Paroxysm has some of his own.

I think Rockets fans (and Dreamshakers in particular) can help out our fellow NBA fans. Let's put our heads together and come up with something. Here, I'll get us started:

• Charlotte Jordans - a similar theme as the Kirby's "Michaeljordancats" and HP's "Mikecats," but this emphasizes MJ a lot more, I think. Do you think Nike would pay Charlotte to use the name, or would the team have to pay Nike? I'm going with the latter, but I think it would be a good investment for the team. Think about what "Jordans" would represent: grace, quality, glamor, overpriced products based on artificial scarcity -- all things that any NBA team needs.
• Charlotte Flyers - nobody really watches hockey (nobody important, anyways), and I'm pretty sure the airplane was invented in North Carolina.
• Charlotte Fighters - If I were creating an MLB team, this is what I'd name them. Sure, the Japanese "Nippon Ham Fighters" have sucked throughout their history (and have mostly served to confuse American baseball fans about a team named "Ham Fighters"), but it's a pretty cool name, I think. Besides, they could make the logo something awesome and self-referential, like Stephen Jackson punching a fan, or a beer cup.
• Charlotte Ham Fighters - Come to think of it, "Ham Fighters" is a pretty cool name, too. It's what I name most of my fantasy baseball teams. I've even got a logo - a pig in boxing gloves. Go ahead, MJ, you can use it.
• Charlotte Avatars - It's the most popular movie in the world, MJ, and capitalizing on pop culture fads has worked out spectacularly for the Raptors.
• Charlotte North Carolinians - Trust us, Bobcats fans, this naming scheme is nothing but sweet.

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I thought this would be a sorta fun way to re-evaluate our team and what everyone thinks about us. So, I present to you: Googling the Houston Rockets.

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[scene:  The week before the NBA All-Star Weekend in Dallas, TX.  The Rockets have a meeting to name a "player representative" to send on behalf of the NBA-PA.  Joey Dorsey is late to the meeting.]

Shane Battier:  Okay, guys, it seems we have a problem here.  We gotta send somebody from this squadron team to Dallas to represent us as before the players' union.  Normally I'd suggest we send the rookies.  But Chase and Jermaine are here.  Plus they are actually smart guys.  That's no fun.  I say we nominate the guy who can't even get here on time.  So I'm nominating "Joseph Dorsey" to be the Rockets' player rep.  Who is with me?

ABZ:  Works for me.  Those bastards wouldn't vote me into the NBA All-Star Game to play.  Now I don't want to go at all.  They don't deserve me.  Even though I was gonna wear this sweet-ass bowtie again.

David Andersen:  [chugging a Foster's]  Who is this Joseph Dorsey character?

Battier:  Don't worry about it, my Aussie friend...

Trevor Ariza:  [sweating and nervous]  Whew.  I thought you guys were gonna try to nominate me.  And that is just too much pressure!  I mean, first you tell me I'm a starter... then you tell me Yao isn't playing this year... then you tell me I have to be more aggressive on offense... then you tell me I actually have to dribble the basketball... then you tell me that shooting 65% on my free throws isn't good enough.  I mean, come on, it's like I have to do everything!  It's too much pressure!!

Battier:  Relax, good sir.  The last thing we want is for you to get to Dallas and Tweek out on us.

Chuck Hayes:  [with a huge grin on his face] Why don't we just elect McGrady?

/entire room explodes into laughter.

Battier:  Oh, you slay me, Chuckwagon.  That's a good one.  I do appreciate your sense of humor.  Maybe next time you should join Luis and I at karaoke night!  Good times.

[Joey Dorsey walks in... hungover and clearly lacking sleep from the night before]

[Following is NSFW... but don't let that stop you.]

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More photos » Matt Slocum - AP

How much a year for 10 years? (AP Photo/Matt Slocum, File)

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This idea actually originated in one of those whimsical pieces beloved by all Dreamshake readers, but after seeing some details of the owners Collective Bargaining Agreement proposal, it actually looks rather sane.  No, I don't think we're going to be seeing The Malcontent All-Stars, as much as I think everyone, and I mean everyone, would enjoy them.  

There's a germ of an idea in there that I think provides a better, or at least more palatable solution than the NBA's suggested "cramdown" of big contracts.  Here's what I propose:

Once in a three year period an NBA team may choose to extend payment on a players contract for ten years, with the remainder of the money owed on the contract divided into ten equal yearly payments.  

That is, total deal money remaining, with options assumed to be exercised by both parties, divided by ten.  For example, Player X has $23 million and one year remaining.  Team Y chooses to extend him.  Now he gets $2.3 million per year for the next ten years, plus interest yearly, at prime +1% or something like that.  In another example Player A is owed 40 million over 4 years.  If extended, he gets $4 million a year for 10 years.

The time to do this move is the week before the summer Free Agent period.  When a team chooses to extend a deal the player is immediately dropped from the roster, and no longer counts against the salary cap.  The player becomes a free agent and is eligible to sign with any team but the one who extended his deal.  He gets whatever money he is owed from the extension of his contract plus whatever money he signs for.  

No player may be extended twice in his career, and the player may not play for the team that extended him in that same season.  No player may be extended by a team he was traded to in the same season, or in the same season he signs a new contract.

This, to me, is a much better way to deal with deadly contracts.  The player still gets all his money, plus interest.  The team gets immediate relief, and the player can actually end up making much more money if he signs another lucrative deal.  The bad contract doesn't cripple a team, but neither can the team simply escape it.  If you make a terrible deal, like certain ones in DC or NY, well, extending 5 years out to 10 is nice, but still hurts, as it should.  The fact that the salary drops off the cap, though, makes it attractive.

I honestly think this is pretty reasonable.  Your take?

PS - I know this doesn't really account for the time value of money - it IS a haircut, but not a total "You'll take 40% less and like it!"  haircut.

I do not want to talk about the Phoenix game anymore.  And the month of January was unnecessarily mean to the Rockets.  It's time to get a little bit whimsical.

We've done a few of these "movie/TV character" comparisons in the past:

The Rockets as:

characters from Married... with Children
characters from Family Guy
characters from the Big Lebowski
and The Princess Bride
-- this last one quite possibly my most favorite thing I've ever written to this date.

As you can see, we have been lacking in these completely arbitrary and wacky "posts" this year.  So, today I bring you:

The Houston Rockets as characters from the hit new show "Community"!

What's that?  You aren't watching this show?

Shame on you.  Best new show on TV not starring Al Bundy. 

The basic premise is that the lead character, Jeff Winger, is a fast-talking (and somewhat disgraced) lawyer who has been exposed for not having a proper law school degree and he has to go back to college because the "University of Colombia" isn't ABA accredited.  So he enrolls at Greendale Community College, where he encounters all sorts of crazy characters.  Each of whom remind me of particular players on the current Houston Rockets roster.

Because he's the central character, after the jump let's begin with Jeff Winger:

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Most of the following information may or may not be incredibly false, stupid, and unparalleled in immaturity.

Startling news today from ESPN.  According to reports, the Houston Rockets will be playing the Utah Jazz on April 7th in a nationally televised game.  Doesn't this contradict everything that we've heard so far?

I had been under the assumption that ESPN had no knowledge of any team known as the "Rockets."  Here's a brief e-mail exchange between myself and an anonymous ESPN official that took place back in November:

Me: Don't you wish you had broadcasted the Rockets/Lakers game earlier this year?

ESPN Official: Uh, what?  Hello?  You're... you're breaking up on me.... can't hear any--- (gargle noise)... can't---(gargle gargle cough...deep breath... gargle cough)... never let go-- (sneeze-cough-roaring noise) ...  beeeeeeeeeeeep.

Me: ...

I was not quite sure when ESPN was ready to admit the truth, but apparently, today is the day.  Here is an article from the AP, hot off the presses.  Actually, they sent it to me before they even printed it.  Right.

According to multiple sources, ESPN has announced that they are prepared to acknowledge the Houston Rockets as an NBA team.

"It's been a long and difficult road," said ESPN.  "But we think that this is a big step towards putting the events of the past behind us.  We can't wait to meet Aaron Brooks.  Still can't believe he ever revived his career after getting cut from the Saints."

ESPN has scheduled to broadcast the Rockets-Jazz game on April 7th.  Mike Breen and Mark Jackson will call the game, as usual partner Jeff Van Gundy is recovering from a sudden case of amnesia.  Van Gundy claims that he cannot remember any events of his life between 2003 and 2007.

"I... I just don't know what happened," said Van Gundy, adding that he hopes "there were absolutely no fast breaks."

ESPN has scheduled a press conference for 3:00 on February 30th to discuss the Rockets for the first time.  For now, all they have said, in addition to the previous comment, is the following:

"Throughout the whole process, the main concern was our health.  We admit that it is finally time to talk about the past, and all we can say for now is that the denial was solely to keep ourselves healthy.  We wanted to be conservative back then.  We definitely didn't want to hit any home runs... with the press."

(In all seriousness, the Rockets will be broadcasted nationally on the 7th.  Can't say I give a rat's ass, though.)

I've been minding my own business this week.  Trying not to think about how/why the Rockets all of a sudden find themselves in a 3-game tailspin (hint:  stop shooting contested 3s and make your FTs.  Oh, and give the ball to Luis Scola more.).  Then all of a sudden, I got some of the worst news I have had in ages...

What... the... hell?

I moved back to Houston so I never have to deal with this kind of weather.

Upwards of 41 hours where I have to survive sub-freezing temperatures.  And that's not even factoring the wind chill.  Nooooooo!!  I freakin' HATE cold weather.  In fact, to put this in perspective, I hate cold weather even more than I hate the Utah Jazz.  And I really, really hate the Utah Jazz.


So, yeah, I'm going into hibernation until this passes.  It's too freakin' cold outside.  I blame this on Trevor Ariza's free throw shooting.  Which may be the only thing colder than the temperature in Houston for the next few days.