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You've all been naughty, but...

Christmas Eve. Santa and his elves are making last minute changes to the gift-giving lists. Who has been naughty? Who has been nice?

With a 13-15 record, good for 10th in the Western Conference, the Rockets certainly cannot expect "playoffs" to be found under their collective Christmas trees.
[insert Jim Mora rant here]

Nevertheless, it is the holiday season, and I should be in a good mood. With that in mind - here's the gifts I want to present to the Houston Rockets:

Yao Ming

A six-pack of Guinness. For you are going to need to develop a drinking problem to survive this season it appears.

Brilliant! (Oh, and Yao - ignore these guys' advice. DO drink 6 beers at the same time. It's good for ya!)

Shane Battier

For the whitest man I've ever seen, here's what you've been missing all these years. Dr. Dre with Snoop -- the Chronic.

Just don't offer Yao any gin and juice when he's busy drinking his Guinness.

Chuck Hayes

For the man with no hands, a pair of gloves. Some would even call them Mittens.
If anything this should hide what your hands look like right now...

Rafer Alston

Rafer... as much as I want to just give you $50 and a bus ticket and tell you to get the fudge out, I'll remain in the spirit of the season and give you the Better Basketball DVDs. Maybe you can learn fundamentals. This way you can then make an actual post pass to Yao when he's open!

Mike Bibby is like good and stuff. You, Rafer, are not (he's got a DVD instructional video - what do you have?!?)

Luis Scola

Uhhhh, a haircut? Nah, just kidding. For you, I give you season 1 of Family Guy. You might recognize one of the characters. You might seem to have something or ten in common.

and watch for this guy:

Rick Adelman

For you, our dear head coach, I am kind of stumped as to what to get for you this year. I don't know you that well, and I still sorta hold a grudge for you running JVG outta town. I also heard your son got busted for a DUI?? For you, I give you entry to a parenting seminar:

This might also come in handy when you have to give positive reinforcement to Stevie, Mike James and Chris Rock's little brother (Aaron Brooks)...... when you have to tell them that while you still love them, you won't be playing them very much.

Tracy McGrady

You, Tracy, I save for the last. For your gift is the most important, and also the most difficult to find. For you, T-Mac, I give you the Wizard of Oz on DVD. For you my friend need to find some courage. And fast. Or else you will be known as the Cowardly Lion in these here interwebs.

After you are done viewing the DVD, Tracy - I have already scheduled an afternoon where you and Travis Johnson can discuss the finer points of the movie. (God doesn't like ugly, by the way. I'm not sure about Santa's take on that trait.) You can then apply the heart/courage analogies to your professional life!

Merry Christmas, everyone!