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"Ocean's Eleven" Starring the Houston Rockets

I thought it would be fun to once again compare the Rockets to a movie or TV show that I've seen and enjoyed.  Lee and Dave have done Married...With Children, Family Guy, and The Princess Bride, so I figured I would kick one in as well.  Brad Pitt's Benjamin Button movie is coming out soon, so I saw his name and instantly thought, "Hey, why not do something with Ocean's Eleven and the Rockets?"  I thought about calling it "Morey's Eleven", but let's face it, Morey isn't going to be Danny Ocean.  And remember, this is the remake, which I think is better than the original.  So here it is: Ocean's Eleven if they were the Houston Rockets.

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Tracy McGrady = Danny Ocean - The biggest name of the group that sometimes lets you down, like when Danny got red-flagged.  However, he's not afraid to take matters into his own hands, and sometimes it will pay off and sometimes it won't.  He's constantly MIA (jail for Danny, nurse's office for T-Mac).  But in the end, you have to love him because he always puts you in a position to be victorious.

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 Yao = Rusty Ryan - The real star of the group that gets all of the fame off the court but sometimes doesn't get the respect he deserves on the court (aka "Dwight Howard is the #1 center in the league" bullcrap).  Same for Rusty/Brad Pitt; Pitt always shows up on those magazine covers, but he doesn't always get the respect he deserves as an actor.  To compare with the actual movie, Yao is a hero, and Rusty is a hero.  Enough said.

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Luis Scola = Virgil Malloy - Luis is the tall Malloy that will constantly go out of his way to make a hard job seem easier, such as passing on dunks for layups or trying to win a race with a mini-truck against a real truck.  Note: That actually is Scola on the left, before he shaved the stasche and grew out the hair.

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Carl Landry = Turk Malloy - Landry is the shorter, stockier Malloy that will slam one in your face and feel absolutely no remorse for you whatsoever.  Or he'll just run over the remote control car and make Virgil feel jealous and annoyed that he doesn't just do the same.

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Ron Artest = Frank Catton - This was a no-brainer.  Each is big, tough, and not afraid to start a fight with someone.  And just because Bernie Mac and Rawn are badasses.

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Rafer Alston = Terry Benedict - Despite his accomplishments and his impact on everyone else as a whole, you just don't like this guy very much.  True, Terry is the villain, and while Rafer isn't exactly a nemesis, he is the closest thing we have to being an asset to the opposing team.

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Bones Barry = Saul - Just a pair of old dudes.  Nothing more.

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Aaron Brooks = Linus Caldwell - The kid on the team that has tons of potential.  When one of the big guys goes down (like when Danny gets red-flagged), he steps in and does a great job.

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Shane Battier = Yen - Just because Yen is Asian doesn't mean he equals Yao.  Always overlooked, Yen only had one noticeable trait, among other intangibles: he could do flips across the room until he could place the bombs to break into the vault.  Likewise, Shane, among having other intangibles, really only does one thing that stands out: he make those clutch corner threes.

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Luther Head = Topher Grace - You recognize him when he's on the court or on the screen, but does he have a real purpose in his role?  In fact, you're never really quite sure why he's there to begin with.

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Chuck Hayes = Livingston Dell - Just happy to be part of the gang, Chuck and Livingston do things that you could find almost anyone else to do: hack computers/play defense.  You could go on without them, but for some reason, they manage to stay on the team.

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Joey Dorsey = "Bulldog the Bruiser" - He's always your favorite character when you see him in there, but then he quickly goes away and you think, "Man, I wish I could see more of him.  Why doesn't he get more action?"

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Von Wafer = Basher Tarr - An experienced journeyman that provides energy and effort whenever called upon.  He's a fan favorite just because of his name, but sometimes he gets a bit carried away, causing the team leaders to occasionally doubt his reliability.


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Steve Francis = Tess Ocean - If you need a famous name to sit there, dress nice, and basically do nothing for the duration of the game or movie, this is who you're looking for.

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Rick Adelman = Reuben Tishkoff - Only because they're both old, experienced, and take the time to dress like they're going to a formal gala every single night.  Normally I would give the financial booster character to Les Alexander, but Coach gets this one.  Everyone plays under him.