Does your team suck? Is your locker room chemistry so bad that even Terrell Owens could improve it? No problem! Come play the Houston Rockets. We'll be sure to build up a lead for three quarters, but then the 4th quarter is yours to win; it's our trademark service. Bad shot selection, turnovers, drowzing coaches - you name it, we'll do it. Feel like driving in the paint? Go ahead, it's your game to be won. Sound too good to be true? Take a look at our previous customers:
Indiana Pacers (twice!)
Philadelphia 76ers (twice!)
Los Angeles Clippers
New York Knicks
Toronto Raptors (paid double for super-suckage)
We only have one defect: we're Thunder-proof. So call us today, but remember: you must have a crappy team.