By now I am sure you have heard the startling and unfortunate news...
No, not the news about My So Called Life getting canceled. I'm (mostly) over that, people. I'm talking about Von Wafer. And how a player of his stature somehow fails a freakin' physical. Yes, Von failed. And since he's a Florida State alum, I am sure he's not used to being told he "failed" much less that he was required to even to take a test.
I still have no idea how the hell a 24 year old with no known injury or medical history fails an NBA physical.
I mean, shit, Shaq somehow is healthy enough to play in the NBA and the FatAss clearly isn't in shape. Same goes for Tracy McGrady. Dude is hobbling all over the court, but our docs gave him the go-ahead. So what the hell did Von Wafer do to fail a supposedly routine physical exam? I foresee a top 10 list in the making!
Potential Reasons Von Wafer failed his physical:
1. Hung out too much with Greg Oden and Joel Przybilla during the offseason.
2. Von was beat up as a threat to Olympiakos over money owed to Chris Morris.
3. Von misunderstood the meaning of "team physical" and tried to fight Rick Adelman.
4. Failed to stick the landing on dunk attempt. French judge still gave him a "10" though.
5. Team docs accidentally mistook McGrady's medical records for Von's.
6. The physical required Von to simulate a pass to a teammate.
7. Rockets didn't know what to do with a medical report that showed a completely healthy player.
8. Jason Kidd saw Von walking aimlessly in a dark alley. FU, Jason Kidd.
9. Turns out Jermain(e) Taylor really *is* the boxer and saw Von as a threat to his roster status.
10. Von has a bad back and hip. Who knew?
Since when do 24 year olds get to complain about a bad back and/or hip? Greg Oden doesn't count since we all know he's old enough to collect social security.
So, uh, we'll have to put the "Welcome Back, Von!" parade on hold, I guess. Bummer. I guess the good news is that Lee has temporarily saved $60.