[scene - Joey Dorsey in New Orleans after the Rockets/Hornets game. St. Patrick's Day. Two days before March Madness. I repeat... Joey Dorsey in New Orleans on St. Patrick's Day.]
Joey: Hell yeah... my favorite time of year - March Madness is upon us! And now that Joey be gorilla dunkin' in the pros, I get to fill out my own bracket for real. I even have a plan. It's foolproof. It's even better than that math geek who can solve all those Japanese puzzle things. No -- Joey's gonna pick winners based on whether or not he paid "tuition" for a girl who went to school there!
/Joey quickly scans over a blank tournament bracket/
Joey: Where the hell is Morgan State? Hmmm, I bet I didn't meet any girls from there. Accordingly, I pick Oklahoma to win round 1. Like I said, this plan is foolproof, bitches. Coach Hackman might be so impressed with this idea he'll ask me to design his ass some plays for games! Not like he's ever going to let me play or anything... shit, he even let Dikembe play last night. What kinda bullshit is that?
[Joey walks out of his hotel room down to Bourbon Street. Random girls immediately run up to him for pictures.]
Joey: Ahhh, yeah. It's time to party. Just like T-Mac told me. Maybe I can find me some more teams worthy of picking for my bracket, if you know what I mean! I bet I can even get that geeky guy Daryl to re-imburse my multiple $20 donations for "research purposes."
[While walking and thinking aloud, a random girl dressed fully in a leprechaun suit runs by and flashes Joey.]
Joey: Oh, shit! That was awesome. I need to get my camera phone and send this to Battier. He has no idea what he's missing out here. I feel like Snoop in his special Girls Gone Wild DVD. Joey gonna get him some Doggystyle today, you best be sure of that!
[someone pokes Joey in the shoulder]
Brent Barry: [quite inebriated] Duuuuuude! You're not wearing green, Dorsey! What's up with that, holmes?
[Brent Barry pinches Dorsey. Dorsey immediately slaps Barry across the face.]
Brent Barry: What the hell, man? Those are the rulez - you gotta wear green today or you get pinched. (*burp*) What's with you rookies these days? No respect for us veterans. No wonder coach doesn't let you play.
Joey: Fuck that! No one pinches Joey. No one. Joey only gets pinched if he wants to get pinched. And even then only a cute hunny gets to. Joey pays good money for that shit. No white boy gonna mess that up.
Brent: Hey, rookie, go get me a hurricane!! (*burp*) Make it extra fruity!
Joey: You white boys and St. Patrick's Day. Are you even Irish?
Brent: I don't know. Why does that matter? I just thought this was a holiday for us to get filthy stinkin' drunk... and I'm taking full advantage. Battier is supposed to be out here later, too.
Joey: Battier, huh? I guess Joey needs to get in the spirit of things today.
[Joey takes megaphone out of the hands of random tourist]
Joey: Hey, girls, SHOW DORSEY YOUR.............
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone!!!