clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Your 2009/10 Houston Rockets: Sponsored by Ritalin (tm)

For that last few weeks, I've been staring at my computer trying to think of something interesting to write about -- or at least rant about -- as it relates to the Houston Rockets.  And then it hit me - I am completely numb to most every bit of off-season news so far.  To recap:

Rockets get blown out in Game 7 against the Lakers
(yet somehow just getting to Game 7 was deemed an accomplishment?)

Yao Ming's foot injury isn't healing.  Even Yao is surprised.

Rick Adelman remains the coach.  Narcoleptics worldwide rejoice.

McGrady begins rehab.  Also makes some guarantees.  Somewhere Daryl Morey cries.

Yao's foot injury ends up requiring surgery, thus ruining Yao's entire 2009/10 season.  But, hey, on the bright side, the Rockets get an extra mid-level exception to spend!  (To be spent on such big names as.... oh, never mind.)

Ron Artesttakes his entertaining brand of Crazy to Los Angeles to hang out with Kobe and Phil.  The Rockets counter and sign Trevor Ariza.  It's deemed an essential "trade."   Ariza's playoff run pays off with a big contract.  I am still not sold on his ability to be an impact player when no longer on Kobe's team.

The Rockets have no first round pick, but do acquire 3 second round picks and spend it on someone to replace Von Wafer (Jermaine Taylor), someone to replace Steve Novak a year later (Chase Budinger) and some other dude who probably won't make the roster.

The Rockets fail to sign anyone who is "tall" by NBA standards.  But they do acquire David Andersen from the HawksHe's not 7' tall, but he'll do.  Other than Mr. Andersen, the tallest player on the Rocket roster is Brian Cook.  Who refuses to step inside the 3-point line.  Someone must have told Cook it's an invisible electric fence or something.

This leaves the Rockets with 15 players signed... none of whom are tall or who will be an all-star next year.  And then suddenly it hit me:

As currently constructed, the 2009/10 Rockets are going to make me feel like someone stuffed me full of Ritalin®.  Meanwhile, all my friends and fellow Rockets fans are also forced to ingest similar pharmaceuticals designed to leave us senseless and unfeeling.  Then we're shipped off to watch Phil Collins in concert.  And we somehow convince ourselves to like it!

Yeah, that's kinda how the Rockets make me feel these days.  Seriously... Phil Collins?!?!?!

To make a long story short, I'll translate:  Mr. Morey, this is when you need to go out and discover the equivalent of Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld.  Immediately!!!

Otherwise, it's going to be a long, slow and mostly mediocre season for the Rockets next year.  With guys like Aaron Brooks and Luis Scola - you know the Rockets will play hard and will never give up on a game.  The flip side is that these guys are not franchise players and there will be many a night when the good guys simply don't have an answer for the size/athleticism of their scheduled opponents.  All-in-all it translates to a 35 winseason and a lottery pick.  Which.......... may end up being the best thing for the Rockets if Yao comes back and Tracy's Expiring Contract is used productively next summer.

I guess I just dread the thought of having to watch the basketball equivalent of Phil Collins for 82 games next year.  Seriously... Phil Collins?!?!?