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Where There Is No NBA Draft, There Is An NFL Draft

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Today is not about basketball, folks. It's about the potent combination of Great Poetry Reading Day and Kiss Your Mate Day, two April 28 mainstays that work hand in hand. If you've got a mate, read her some great, not merely good, decent or reasonably insightful poetry, then give her a kiss, and boom goes the dynamite.

Odds are, should you pull this off without encountering any catastrophic snags, you'll be given the blessing to pop a bottle with the bros and watch the Texans ferociously butcher the 2011 NFL Draft. It's a tradition, just like Great Poetry Reading Day, or even Kiss Your Mate Day. Let those key essentials not be forgotten, so long as you likewise forget about Andre Johnson, Mario Williams and DeMeco Ryans, to name a few argument-killers.

Actually, the Texans do have a real shot to land a 3-4 gem here. Should Robert Quinn delicately descend from the heavens without receiving notice from ten teams who really should not even go after him because that would be dumb and stupid and I would throw my TV out of my window if that happened so please don't take him - especially you, Washington - and if Houston manages to grab him at number eleven, I would be very, very happy, yes. Even better would be a trade-up to number five to land Patrick Peterson. Should this happen, I will throw a parade. In Columbia, Missouri.

Make sure you head over to Battle Red Blog to spew your rage and fury once the Texans trade up to select Villanova DT Benjamin Ijalana with the fourth overall selection, because - swear to god - Arizona was going to get him if a move wasn't made. You take that pick to the bank and come back here once the BRB bunch offers too much legitimate analysis for your taste.

Real Talk Prediction: Al Davis and the Raiders trade into the first round, where he immediately pulls up the combine results, selects "40 Yard Dash Times," clicks 'Sort Column,' and drafts Miami corner DeMarcus Van Dyke with the seventeenth overall selection, because New England shrewdly opted to stockpile further assets. And you think I'm kidding.