I know, I know. You're totally like, "Oh, snap!" AK writing something else? But he just wrote something the other day? I thought he went into his cave during the offseason, only to reappear in the Fall like that stupid cat that always prowls your neighborhood.
Well, it's here. We all know Daryl Morey loves the 2009 draft. Loves it. Can't get enough. If he could dump his wife for it, it would have happened already. New York moved one step closer to making Daryl's dreams come true. Same-sex marriages come first, then you get human-inanimate past object marriages. Duh. We've got about 20 lawyers on this blog. They'll all back me up.
So, I decided to figure out a way for Morey to get the entire 2009 lottery. All 14 players. Ready, because it's about to get awesome.
Players we already have
Hasheem Thabeet, Jonny Flynn, Jordan Hill, Terrence Williams
Morey has already done some of our work for us. Obviously, I can't include any of these guys in trades, which sucks because the money is so close.
Players we need
Blake Griffin, James Harden, Tyreke Evans, Ricky Rubio, Stephen Curry, DeMar DeRozan, Brandon Jennings, Gerald Henderson, Tyler Hansbrough, Earl Clark.
Does anyone else feel like Morey got four of the worst six players in this crazy lottery quest of his? Fittingly, we'll start with the other two "worst" players from this draft.
Earl Clark has a team option for 2011-2011? Let's assume Orlando dumps his ass. The Rockets aren't bringing back Yao in this scenario. He is now a Rocket.
Gerald Henderson is worth $2.25M next year. Patrick Patterson makes a little less. Bada bing bada boom. Henderson is a Rocket.
Now comes the tough part. We're going after Blake Griffin next. Kyle Lowry will no longer be a base year compensation player. His contract matches up well with Blake's. Donald Sterling goes crazy, and this trade happens.
Prying James Harden from OKC will not be easy. They'll need a good complementary player to fill in the role at the two without taking too many shots away from Westbrook and Durant. Hey! That sounds just like...Kevin Martin! BUT, let's involve the Pacers, give them Chase Budinger and Courtney Lee. We get Tyler Hansbrough from Indiana, and James Harden PLUS Kendrick Perkins from Oklahoma City.
Kendrick Perkins then gets flipped for Tyreke Evans and Omri Casspi (who was the Rockets' pick originally but was traded to Sacramento in the Ron Artest deal). The Playa from Judea is now a Rocket, along with the 2009 Rookie of the Year.
Goran Dragic for Brandon Jennings? Done.
Chuck Hayes gets re-upped for $2.5M a year. You know who needs a "big" man to help their defense. None other than the Toronto Raptors! So, DeMar DeRozan just came to Houston.
The Rockets have no use for Donatas Motiejunas or Marcus Morris, so they're gone to Golden State for Stephen Curry.
So, that leaves us with Luis Scola. And we need Ricky Rubio. We may have to take back another contract (say, Anthony Randolph, whom Morey has been after before). Randolph gets dumped, and that's that.
So, here's how it looks now, with some guys playing up a position for the sake of argument:
PG: Stephen Curry/Brandon Jennings/Ricky Rubio/Jonny Flynn
SG: Tyreke Evans/James Harden/Gerald Henderson
SF: DeMar DeRozan/Terrence Williams/Earl Clark/Omri Casspi
PF: Blake Griffin/Tyler Hansbrough
C: Hasheem Thabeet/Jordan Hill
Somewhere, Daryl Morey is saying, "That team doesn't have enough power forwards. They're the key to basketball, I tell you. THE KEY!"