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Game 14 Recap: Rockets Less Ugly Than Pistons, 97-80

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MEMO TO: ANONYMOUS ROCKETS EXECUTIVE.

SUBJECT: PISTONS-ROCKETS, 17 JANUARY 2012

VENUE: TOYOTA CENTER HOUSTON, TEXAS.

OFFICIALS: YES.

WHISTLES: LIMITED.

OBJECTIVE: CREATE UNWATCHABLE BASKETBALL WITHOUT THE USE OF FREE THROW SHOTS. GIVE HOUSTON WIN TO REACH .500.

REASON: LOW ATTENDANCE.

MISSION: BURRITO, AS SOON AS THE GAME ENDS. LOCATION ON WEST ALABAMA. BRING GIRLS.

FULL REPORT IN NUMBERED FORMAT:

1. MISSION FAILING IN FIRST QUARTER. ROCKETS AHEAD, BUT SCORE 28 POINTS. DETROIT HELD IN CHECK. MUST SLOW ROCKETS BY INSERTING JORDAN HILL.

2. RETROSPECTIVE: GAVE JORDAN HILL FLU-LIKE SYMPTOMS WITH USE OF SHADY MEDICAL SHOT. SUCCESSFUL VENTURE -- HILL GOES EIGHT MINUTES WITHOUT A POINT OR REBOUND. SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE ONE ASSIST.

3. SECOND HALF BEGINS. IS THAT TJ YATES IN THE THIRD ROW? OH MY GOD IT'S TJ YATES HOLD ON A SECOND YOU GUYS JUST GIVE ME A SECOND.

4. MIDWAY THROUGH THIRD QUARTER. SAMUEL DALEMBERT IS ROCKETS GO-TO OPTION. CHECKPOINT COMPLETE.

5. MISSION SLIP-UP: DETROIT SHOOTS FIRST FREE THROW WITH 3:34 LEFT IN THIRD QUARTER. SHUTOUT FAILED. ALSO, DID CLYDE DREXLER JUST SAY, "HE'S NOT GONNA MISS THAT SHOT VERY MANY." DID THAT HAPPEN?

6. KYLE LOWRY MAKES THREE-POINTER FROM UNMEASURABLE DISTANCE. DID NOT EXPECT THIS. SEARCHING FOR RAFER ALSTON.

7. GREG MONROE SCORES FIRST BASKET IN FOURTH QUARTER WITH TEN MINUTES LEFT. CHECKPOINT COMPLETE.

8. ROCKETS BEGIN LARGE SCORING RUN. TURNOVERS NOT ENOUGH. NEED BAD SHOTS. INSERT JEFF ADRIEN.

9. LEAVE TERRENCE WILLIAMS ON BENCH TO MAKE A POINT, BECAUSE EVERYONE IS DOING IT.

10. FINAL NUMBERS:

ASSIST-TO-TURNOVER NUMBERS: HOUSTON 20 TURNOVERS, 15 ASSISTS.

STARTERS MINUTES: LIMITED.

COMBINED OFFENSIVE REBOUNDS: 68. POSSIBLE MISCALCULATION.

JONAS JEREBKO: 2-8 FROM FIELD. UNEXPECTED BENEFIT.

FINAL ASSESSMENT: UGLY PERFORMANCE, BUT ULTIMATELY A SUCCESS. MISSION: COMPLETE.