Ethan Rothstein, our editor in chief and chief who is also an editor, asked me to start a weekly column, in which I bring you the Weird Rockets Video of the Week. At first I was like, "Are there really that many videos that I could use," and the answer to that question was yes, yes, an overwhelmingly intense and absolute yes. I don't think we knew what we were getting ourselves into.
Here is this week's video.
MAD (vernon) MAX(well) IN THE PORTLAND THUNDERDOME
It won't let me embed the video. This video is so good the man who uploaded it (Carl Wilkman, 237 subscribers) literally won't let me embed it on to the article. Click here to watch it. I swear it is worth it.
"THE rocket sock'em action of the toughest gaurd in the NBA. MAD Vernon Maxwell, he takes out Clyde Drexler, cussess out team mates and goes into the stand after NBA fanatic Steve George. Play by play by the SCHONZ, comments from Coach Rudy T and Rick Adelman, color commentary by Jerry Seinfeld."
I think this video is the reason YouTube was made. I think that YouTube should have stopped allowing other videos to be uploaded after this video was made and I am in no way kidding. Describing this video is like being Stefan on Saturday Night Live.
This video's got everything: Jerry Seinfeld, crowd fights, Clyde Drexler in a Cosby sweater, acid trip video effects. I mean, seriously. Is this not the best thing you've ever watched?
Some context, one time in the 90's, Vernon Maxwell pulled what would later be called a Ron Artest and ran into the stands to punch a fan for making fun of him. There are lots of differences between this and Artest's story, the main one being that Mad Max only received a 10-game suspension, which is really the best argument I've ever heard for the game being tougher in the 1990's.
I think especially because Carl Wilkman, 237 subscribers won't let me embed this, that I need to show y'all some of the best screenshots. They're too glorious.
That's Jerry Seinfeld at peak fame, in a Blazers hat, in the Portland locker room. I'm serious. This is serious. This happened and someone got it on camera.
That's Vernon Maxwell cursing profusely in front of a child. Look at how scared that kid is. I would be terrified, too. I mean, Vern legitimately attacked the crown within minutes of that. Unreal. This video is too much.
WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE, CARL WILKMAN, 237 SUBSCRIBERS? WHY DID YOU EDIT IT THIS WAY, CARL WILKMAN, 237 SUBSCRIBERS? STAY OFF DRUGS CARL WILKMAN, 237 SUBSCRIBERS.
Here is the best comment from this video. I had 1 to choose from, but I suggest you go add your own because this video is perfect and everything in the world is amazing.
That was your Weird Rockets Video of the Week. Come back next Wednesday when I'll show you some other ridiculous thing because this is who I am now.