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Houston Rockets vs. Oklahoma City Thunder game preview

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The Rockets slink back to the Toyota Center to take on the resurgent Oklahoma City Thunder.

Mark D. Smith-USA TODAY Sports

When I was in high school, every teacher had a 24-hour cooling off period after they returned tests or papers.

The idea was simple: in order to prevent whiny private school teenagers from raging against them over their bad grades, they refused to discuss any grades until 24 hours had passed. What ended up happening was that the original emotion of anger would generally pass in that time period and teachers wouldn't have to deal with any complaining. Teenagers are fickle. The teachers knew that. Ergo, they used it to their advantage.

Well, they used it for most kids. You see, your guy AK could hold a grudge like nobody else. While other students would think, "Hey, one bad grade is okay. If I get a good grade on the next paper/test, I can still get an A or a B," I was stewing. I pored over the assignment and wrote down everything I could think of to use as ammunition the next day. I would show up with pages of organized notes detailing why my teachers were intellectually inferior to me and why I deserved an A+++.

Needless to say, I didn't have a lot of friends in high school.

Still, I think that my ability to get pissed off and organize my thoughts will come in handy today. So instead of a long preview about the Rockets and the Oklahoma City Thunder (who are going to win this game, probably by 20), I've decided to start listing grievances. Some will be whiny. Some are illogical and unfair. Some will be stupid. I don't care. Featuring bullet points, the Lazy Man's Friend (h/t Xiane).

Daryl Morey

  • Yes, even the Boy Genius gets a little flak here, if only because we really need a tweet from him assuring us that his advanced statistical analysis says we are better than we are. I know he would be lying. You know he would be lying. But I need him to lie to me.

Kevin McHale

  • This isn't all on him, but a lot of this is on McHale.
  • Remember last offseason when he and JB Bickerstaff retooled the defense? Guess that didn't happen this summer.
  • Maybe teaching your players how to defend a pick-and-roll would be nice. I mean, we run the damn thing ourselves, so our guys shouldn't be looking at it like it's a foreign object.
  • I understand the need for spacing, so why not trot out an even smaller lineup? I think Spud Webb and Mugsy Bouges are available somewhere. A Bouges-Webb-Lawson-Bev-Harden group would spread the floor like never before. I mean, they wouldn't be able to defend the paint, but if you'll just read the second bullet point up there you'll see that it doesn't matter.
  • Maybe play guys in the second half who played well in the first half. Are we trying to hide Montrezl Harrell from other teams? Like we're going to spring him on someone in the second half during the playoffs and they won't be ready? This is silly coach. Play the kid.
James Harden
  • Hey buddy. Look, um...if you could, you know, like...NOT COMPLETELY SUCK THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.
  • For crying out loud, you were the Players' Choice for MVP last season. You were otherworldly. Did you not practice? I saw the sprained ankle but what else happened?
  • I don't know who Lil' B is because I only listen to good music, but you need to apologize to him. Or offer him your first-born. Or your beard. Or something.
  • OH MY GOD YOU DATED A KARDASHIAN ARE YOU CRAZY?
  • KARDASHIANS ARE TOXIC. HOW DID YOU NOT GET THIS FROM LAMAR?
  • Okay, okay. I'm calm now.
  • Stop thinking so much. I can see the gears turning in your head. You trying to win the MVP and championship on one play. It's not going to happen. Slow down. Play your game.
  • I know you reworked your shooting motion a little. But why? Last I checked, you shot pretty well last season.
  • You've talked big about being a leader. You've taken responsibility for this. That's great, but show us that you mean it.
  • SERIOUSLY A KARDASHIAN???
Terrence Jones
  • Stop being hurt
  • Stop being timid
  • Don't forget: you're trying to earn a contract for next year.
Donatas Motiejunas
  • Stop being hurt
  • Don't forget: you're trying to earn a contract for next year.
Dwight Howard
  • I'm tired of your injury crap. You say you feel fine, but you need to miss one of the two games on a back-to-back. That kills us. We're always going to have 20ish back-to-backs every season. You're gonna miss at least 20 games? For a team in a stacked Western Conference? That needs a top seed and homecourt advantage? Really?
Ty Lawson
  • You want to be an All-Star? Because this isn't how you become an All-Star.
  • You wanted to come here. You wanted out of Denver. We gave you that. Repay the favor.
Chuck Hayes
  • Just kidding. I've got nothing but love for you, brother.
Corey Brewer
  • Just...make a shot. Please.
  • Stop pressing.
  • Like, any shot.
Trevor Ariza
  • 26% from the field and 27% from 3? Really?
  • Remember you're a 3-and-D guy. Not just a D guy.
  • You had 4 assists in the first quarter against Miami. And then you had none for the rest of the game. Just an observation.
What did I miss?

Prediction: Rockets lose by 20. At least. Anything less is a moral victory. Anything more is expected.

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