Ethan Rothstein, our editor in chief and chief who is also an editor, asked me to start a weekly column, in which I bring you the Weird Rockets Video of the Week. At first I was like, "Are there really that many videos that I could use," and the answer to that question was yes, yes, an overwhelmingly intense and absolute yes. I don't think we knew what we were getting ourselves into.
Here is this week's video.
Houston Rockets Fan Commercial from 1994
"Great Houston Rockets commercial from the 1993-94 season. Can't beat listening to one of the true legends of sports play-by-play Gene Peterson."
I thought this video felt appropriate after the way the first week of this season has gone. I get that losing when you're supposed to be good isn't fun. I had trouble watching those games, too. Then I watched this vid a few more times. And I think I'm more sad than I've ever been ever in forever.
The 90s were weird, man. You know how the whole Internet exists right now just to talk about the 90s and how we all miss it? You ever think about how dumb that is? Newsflash: you should think that a lot.
I mean, it was a time where we decided grunge was an acceptable thing for tons of bands to do, and almost all of them were not Nirvana. The 90s decided it was cool for the two best rappers in the world to kill each other. That's not cool. That's not good for any party involved. That's terrible.
The 90s also decided that this was a completely appropriate commercial to broadcast on actual television. I mean, for real, be real with me: did you watch this video? Lemme just put this in some plain English and not over-the-top 90's visuals that were also responsible for the existence of purple ketchup: this video depicts a slightly overweight man, committing suicide by anvil, in response to a Houston Rockets loss.
You realize they won the season this aired? Like, the Houston Rockets have only won a championship twice, ever, and the first season they did so, they aired this commercial. This commercial. That SHOWS A MAN KILLING HIMSELF. The 90's were dark dude.
Tell you what: watch this commercial without the sound, and tell me this isn't the most terrifying face you've ever seen.
Man, I'm terrified.
Here is the best comment from this video. I had 5 to choose from.
luis mares when you were a kid did you ever kill ants with a magnifying glass for fun because you're a horrible terrifying monster? luis mares did you watch the end of Marley and Me and not weep profusely? luis mares are you the type of person who felt bad for Christian Bale's character in American Psycho because I bet not because you wouldn't feel bad for anyone ever luis mares your comment is horrifying luis mares I mean a man died.
That was your Weird Rockets Video of the Week. Come back next Wednesday when I'll show you some other ridiculous thing because this is who I am now.