Ethan Rothstein, our editor in chief and chief who is also an editor, asked me to start a weekly column, in which I bring you the Weird Rockets Video of the Week. At first I was like, "Are there really that many videos that I could use," and the answer to that question was yes, yes, an overwhelmingly intense and absolute yes. I don't think we knew what we were getting ourselves into.
Here is this week's video.
12 Days Of Christmas - Rockets Rendition
"A funny vid of the Houston Rockets players singing and spreading the holiday cheer.From Rockets.com."
I doubt this vid is still on Rockets.com. Feel free to check, but this is from nine years ago. That's almost a full decade. That's insane. You know how long a decade is? You know the kind of turnover this team has had in nine years? What have you done in nine years? That's actually not fair. I'm sure you've done plenty. You're great. Good for you. Happy Holidays.
For some context, I guess the Rockets do this every year. They take their players who they pay millions upon millions of dollars and force them to sing seasonal songs, and in this one they even have awkwardly written lyrics. I would say it seems like torture, but you know that after they filmed this these guys still got to be NBA players, so I'd say it's a good trade.
I love that Yao didn't want to sing. I hope that Dikembe Mutombo was like, trying his best to sing, and that his voice is just his singing voice. I think that would be hilarious. I like that Shane Battier is in the video. Period. I just like that Shane Battier was a part of this franchise for a while. I love that guy. I like that Rafer Alston gets some screen time. Rafer Alston might be my dark horse pick for favorite Rocket of all time if I'm being perfectly honest with you guys.
Editor's Note: Colin's views on Rafer Alston in no way represent the views of The Dream Shake
That's all fun and good, but I want to talk about the song itself. Who wrote this song? No, seriously, who wrote this song? Who sat down at their desk in the Rockets organization and was given an assignment to write this song that the team would awkwardly sing? Did they get paid extra? Was it even an assignment or did they just write it themselves? Did they not realize that 12 Days of Christmas is probably a top 5 worst Christmas song of all time? These are the important questions, people. Don't ever play yourself.
Here is the best comment from this video. I had 44 to choose from.
Wait, where is Bonzi Wells? Dion404 raises a good point. Leslie Alexander (or, y'know, whoever was in charge of this video), where's Bonzi? Where's Bonzi? Where's the boy at, Les? Where's Bonzi? That's all I wanna know. Les. LOOK AT ME. WHERE THE F*** IS BONZI?
That was your Weird Rockets Video of the Week. Come back next Wednesday when I'll show you something else ridiculous because that's who I am now.