Note to sensitive Golden State fans - this is a joke. The Universe, or Satan, has rolled out the red carpet for your triumph. Its a great team, a historical triumph, a cure for cancer, depression and the common cold. Everyone's moon and stars. If you can't take a joke, piss off, forever. Really. Do piss off.
I've been saying that the Golden State Warriors made a deal with Ole Scratch for this season for quite a while. But sometimes it is difficult to see something like that context. The context of evil witchcraft, dark arts and pacts with the devil. But once you see it, you can't see anything else.
Here is a tiny bit of perspective, because I've never seen a team be this good, this healthy, and this absurdly lucky in terms of opponent health all in the same season.
Point The First
If before the season started I'd asked you if a player could reach the NBA Finals never playing a healthy starting opposite number, what would you have said? Consider if Dwight Howard had received the playoff opponent luck of Steph Curry:
Tyson Chandler - Returning after a long injury, clearly not playing at 100%.
DAndre Jordan - Limited playing time roughly a week removed from major facial reconstructive surgery.
Andrew Bogut - Out.
Timofey Mozgov - Limited by previous injury in game one. Received new major injury in game. Out.
In PG terms for Curry - Jrue Holiday, Mike Conley, Patrick Beverley, Kyrie Irving.
I don't know about you, but to me, and to all right thinking people who know the pain of the NBA, that screams "Witch!". And the player comparison may actually favor Curry, as all his opponents had been All Stars, or All Defensive Team level players recently.
Point The Second
Then there are team injuries. This season the Rockets ranked #2 with 399 total team games missed according to the excellent Man Games Lost site. Golden State ranked #23 at 287. In terms of team impact due to injury as measured by the site, the Rockets were #7 in injury impact of games lost, GSW was #29. In 2013-14 Houston ranked #1/#6 in raw metrics/calculated team effect, and GSW #25/#25 respectively. In 2012-13 Houston was #16/#23 and GSW was #25/#28. From what I can tell no other team has enjoyed such good injury luck over the last three seasons. Not even close. More witchcraft, or soul selling, clearly.
Point The Third
Then there's this:
Falling at full speed from about 7ft in the air onto his arm and head. For a Rocket player I'd imagine we'd have to sadly wave farewell for months, if not an entire career. If Old Nick is your Personal Protector, well, a fall like that is scary. And that's all. It's scary.
So let it please the Inquisition, Steph Curry, and his cronies are clearly witches, in league with the Devil, and have employed the dark arts of working of woe and injury to others, but never themselves, as is the known way of witches. Thus do they achieve their evil aims. Also, their shots go in too often, unnaturally often, no good, honest, non-witch person does this without infernal aid.
By the standards of medieval evidence, and the knowledge of our own eyes, and the testimony of all nature, we know all this conclusively. And there is but one thing to be done.
Burn the witch. Burn him. And burn the Bay Area, just to be sure the taint does not spread. They'll have their trophy, clutched in their twisted malefic claws as they are dragged away to Hell.