Ethan Rothstein, our editor in chief and chief who is also an editor, asked me a while back to do a weekly article with the weirdest Rockets video I could find. Sometimes they're obscure. Sometimes they're troubling. One thing is for sure, though: they're always perfect. Here is this week's video.
Have Your Cakes and Eat It Too.m4v
"I lay waste to one opposing team fan after another at Toyota Center."
Pause. Everyone stop what you're doing. Did this dude just say "I lay waste?" Did I just find the YouTube account of the guy inside the Clutch the Bear suit. I think I did, World. You're welcome, World. It was my pleasure, World.
For some context, Clutch the Bear is the mascot for the Houston Rockets. He's genuinely a good mascot, but he's still not the best one in the city because Orbit is quite possibly the best mascot in sports and I challenge anybody and everybody on that. One of the things that Clutch does and what all mascots do is hit opposing fans in the face with a cake. This is a pretty well edited video of a bunch of those, and one that I didn't originally think I would laugh at, but I ended up laughing a lot. A couple really caught me off guard.
I just don't like staged stuff like this usually. And, I mean, this has to be staged, right? The opposing fans would sue otherwise, I'm sure, which actually might be better. Imagine the legal documents of that. Plaintiff: Dude in a Dirk jersey. Defendant: a bear costume. Unreal. Think of that episode of Judge Judy. Don't question it just do it. Are you not a million times happier right now? You should be. I am.
Here is the best comment from this video. I had five to choose from, but four of them are truly glorious you should definitely check them out.
If you had told me I would ever be so lucky as to find this comment, I would have slapped you across the face for thinking I deserve something like this. I mean, even if we decided to ignore the unprecedented seven exclamation points in two sentences, we would still be left with two incredibly weird and beautiful orders by one PieMeNow. Then, we get these sentences from a guy who decided that of all the usernames in the world, his (or hers I guess, this certainly could be a girl I don't mean to discriminate) would be Pie Me Now.
Pie Me Now? Does this dude comment of every video of people getting hit in the face with baked goods asking to be next? Furthermore, did he (or she) originally only want to be pied in the face, only to realize that this didn't yield many results and therefore broadened his (or her) horizons to other desserts? Further still, does PieMeNow feel some sort of inner conflict about being so interested solely in pies on one hand, but begging for a cake to the face on the other? I have so many, many more questions, but I just don't think they are going to be answered. I guess that's just the way the cookie crumbles, or the way the cake hits the face.
That was your Weird Rockets Video of the Week. Come back next week when I show you something else ridiculous because that's who I am now.