Yesterday at 3 p.m., the Rockets tweeted this:
We all know the Rockets hired Mike D'Antoni, and we all know we here at TDS aren't particularly excited about it. I personally don't know if it will be that bad, but here is a list of people the Rockets could theoretically introduce as head coach other than Pringles this afternoon. All of these could totally happen.
1. Donald Trump as Owner, GM, Coach, and starting point guard (a.k.a. the Jackie Moon)
Make the Rockets Great Again. Here's some of things he would say at the press conference for sure:
- "I've got to tell you, I'm terrific at basketball. Ask anyone. The sport loves me. I might be the best player in the league."
- "Houston is going to have the best jerseys, the classiest jerseys. I'll tell you."
- "We're going to build a big, beautiful wall around the Toyota Center, and I can guarantee you that Eduardo Nájera will pay for it."
- "The other teams in the NBA are being very unfair to me. They keep stealing the ball and beating our team. I don't like them very much. Sad!"
- "Little Stephen is only willing to shoot from over 30 feet away. Is he scared of Clint Capela?"
- "You know the problem with Yao Ming, he wasn't very structurally sound. I would know, I've been some of the greatest building, some of the greatest wonders in the world and I knew from the get go the guy had a weak foundation. But what do you expect?! He's Chinese! Manipulating his injuries. Disgusting."
2. dat boi
O shit, waddup
3. Lil' B
Wow even the thought of this makes me just wow. Thank you Based God we're not worthy Based God.
4. *cues horns/inhales* JOHN CENA!!!!!!
Truth be told, if Harden changed his celebration from the cooking thing to the You Can't See Me thing, I think we'd win every Finals from here to eternity and I will not listen to you if you disagree.
5. Michael Scott
I mean, he's not wrong...
6. Here is where I would say we'd like to see a Crying Michael Jordan announced as our new head coach, but I'm not making that joke because that is basically what our coaching situation was this year. Also Twitter will surely photoshop Crying Jordan onto one or all of D'Antoni, Les Alexander and (definitely) Daryl Morey.
7. Kevin McHale