Houston Rockets vs. Los Angeles Lakers game preview

I didn’t have to write a “overreaction preview” last year, but here we go.

The Rockets should blow it up. After only losing four games in their first 29 games, they have lost five straight. Gone are the dreams of beating the Warriors’ 73-9 regular season record. Gone is the possibility of a 60-game winning streak that seemed all-but-certain two weeks ago.

Everyone has been sucking. James Harden has lost the MVP with his last six quarters. I don’t care that he wasn’t going to win it anyway. If Harden was actually clutch he’d be worth that crazy extension he got in the offseason. But right now Daryl Morey is flushing that money right into Harden’s beard. The Rockets should trade Harden for Curry. Seth Curry, obviously. Even then they might need to trade a first-round pick or two to get someone to take Harden off their hands.

Chris Paul and Luc Richard Mbah a Moute are out, but what self-respecting NBA team depends so much on a Hall of Fame point guard and a do-everything wing? Also, I’d love to stop having to type Luc’s full name and a trade would help that. Seriously that thing is a mouthful.

And dear lord, someone tell me what is happening to Ryan Anderson? The “Road Ryno” thing was cute, but now we’re getting “Worse than Home Ryno” and it’s hot garbage. Seriously, if you’re gonna suck that much go play in Lithuania with the lesser Ball brothers.

Clint Capela is more delicate than my bowels after I eat a bowl of ice cream. I’ve been saying for years he has to put on weight, but what is he actually doing? Eat some burgers, you Swiss Slender Man. You can even put your stupid cheese with all the holes on it if you want.

PJ Tucker used to be a badass. Now he’s more terrified to shoot than Corey Brewer against any team besides the Rockets. If he’s just there to look intimidating, you might as well sign Braun Strowman or some other WWE wrestler.

Look, the Rockets looked like a team that gave zero shits against the Washington Wizards. They just wanted to get on a plane and come home. Play a basketball game that is part of our job that pays us millions? They couldn’t be bothered. A team without heart is a team without rings. Or meaningful wins. Regular season games are nice, but they don’t hand out trophies after regular season games.

I think the mandate from Tilman Fertitta should be clear: trade everyone and start the rebuild process. Fire Daryl Morey because calculators don’t have heart. Fire Mike D’Antoni because his teams don’t win clutch games. Trade James Harden because he’s the root of all their problems. And fold up the franchise and move it so the good people of Seattle can get a squad back.

The Rockets don’t deserve us. They deserve these losses. And yeah, Russell Westbrook deserved to win the MV-

Yeah even I can’t go that far.

Tip-off is at 6pm CT