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Rockets beat Jazz 120-110

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A Recap Experiment

Houston Rockets v Utah Jazz
James Harden is rightfully skeptical of this recap.
Photo by Alex Goodlett/Getty Images

So, I haven’t watched this game. I’m going to recap it anyway. If you’re reading from a place where you can’t watch the game, and you are relying on The Dreamshake for your Rockets coverage, well, we’re going to let you down a bit tonight.

So here we go, a recap without any knowledge of the game, other than the boxscore.

The Jazz play on a weird washed out light-colored court. It’s as whited out as their crowd, but it’s not as absurd, and it doesn’t boo at obvious calls. This is because it’s a basketball court. It probably would boo if it could.

So here we go. I’m just guessing. I haven’t seen the game. But I’ve written so very many Rockets recaps, I’m just going to make up this recap.

First Quarter

Both teams came out fired up. There was a lot of scoring. The Jazz won this quarter by two points, 38-36, as they made some unlikely shots. As quarters go, it wasn’t the worst, but certainly not the best. Eric Gordon returned.

Second Quarter

The Jazz defense clamped down, and the Rockets shooting turned cold. The second quarter lacked the energy of the first, and scoring was down overall. The Rockets thought they were fouled a lot, but didn’t get the calls. The Jazz crowd booing suggested that they love their Jazz, but don’t know too terribly much about basketball. Bless their hearts.

Third Quarter

The Rockets came out fired up, pissed off, made a ton of shots, and played impeccable defense. After Russell Westbrook keeping the Rockets in the game in the first half, James Harden came alive and roasted the Jazz. No bizarre defense they tried worked, as Harden toasted, roasted, and occasionally, boasted. The crowd booed lustily, if incorrectly.

Fourth Quarter

Something of a Jazz comeback, with Donovan Mitchell making a bunch of Monta Ellis type shots. That is, they’re truly bad shots, but he made them, so perhaps they’re ok? It wasn’t enough. The Rockets fended off a Jazz comeback and sort of slogged their way to a ten point win. The Utah crowd was sad. Their sad white court was sad. Utah itself was sad.

How was that? Close? Not close? I have no idea. I’ll write something that might be worthwhile tomorrow.

Poll

This recap was...

This poll is closed

  • 28%
    surprisingly accurate.
    (96 votes)
  • 5%
    not at all accurate.
    (17 votes)
  • 40%
    no worse than ESPN.
    (136 votes)
  • 25%
    not as good as Luka could do without watching a game.
    (85 votes)
334 votes total Vote Now