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The obligatory Ben Simmons trade piece

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Should Ben Simmons be a Rocket? It’s the Doldrums, so let’s consider it!

NBA: Philadelphia 76ers at Atlanta Hawks
Throw it down big man! No, seriously, throw it the hell down for a change.
Brett Davis-USA TODAY Sports

So the NBA world is in what we could call The Doldrums. What are the doldrums?

It’s a nautical term referring to waters around the equator where the winds can just die and ships are becalmed. If one is in a sailing ship, that means one does not move. If one doesn’t move for long enough, the situation can become dire. Doldrums start off being tedious and boring, and at some point can become genuinely dangerous.

One can take that as a metaphor for a becalmed life, or the NBA.

In the NBA’s case, the winds will begin blowing again at the end of this month, when training camp begins. Teams and executives are just returning from vacations, or staycations. (Or what I think of now as a naycation, where a vacation was planned, but, nay, we obviously can’t have nice things, so what’s the point?)

In the meantime, splice rope, mend sails, holystone the deck, and caulk the seams with oakum because we’re going nowhere fast, my lads. Double ration of rum until it runs out, trot out that wheezy concertina, and may as roll those dice you’ve hidden away for one night. And you, take a bath in the damned sea if you please, and spare us all your scent. If anyone complains, it’s double church for us all, for the sin of ingratitude for the blessing of not being dead yet.

Tell me about this big Aussie fella, why he might help us, and God save us from more nautical bilge!

The Rockets could trade for Ben Simmons fairly easily, fairly painlessly. If Daryl Morey has to take what I’m thinking of, it’d be hilarious.

Rockets Send

Eric Gordon, Danuel House, Jae’Sean Tate

76ers Send

Ben Simmons

This looks silly, and maybe it is. But is it? (It is.) But like Daryl Morey, we’ll pretend it’s a good deal and they’d be lucky to get it. The Trade Machine says it works.

First, Eric Gordon would be a really handy player for Philly. No, he’s not a point guard, but he’s a good defender (not as good as Simmons) but also, a shooter. House gives them another shooting wing who can play decent defense. Tate is really the sweetener, as he’s a bargain contract. Morey signed Gordon and House to those deals, so he has to like them, right?

If that seems light on value, the Rockets could replace House and Tate with Christian Wood.

That, I think, might actually get the deal done. Embiid and Wood would be a nightmare to play against. Gordon adds a ton of scoring, if he’s right. It’s not clear what they do with Tobias Harris, but maybe they just go really big - Maxey, Gordon, Harris, Wood, Embiid is a problem for opponents, because teams can’t leave any of them.

Morey gets a lot of flexibility to reset as well, as those deals aren’t long. You might even throw in Tate to get it done. The 76ers are now a team that revolves around their superstar, and is moreover, super deep, with Danny Green, Seth Curry and Matisse Thybulle.

Yes, the Rockets are giving up a promising player in Wood, and maybe Tate. What do they get?

They get a guy who might unlock Porter Jr, Green, Sengun. (I honestly think the Rockets might as roll the dice on Sengun being the center.) So a starting lineup is Simmons, Porter, Green, Garuba, Sengun. Or Sengun is your PF, and Simmons is your center, and you add Martin to the lineup with Green and Porter and Martin either proves himself or you use your high draft pick on another starter.

Do I think this is realistic? Not at all.

Do I think it actually makes some sense for both teams? Yes. I think it actually does.

Poll

Trade for Ben Simmons?

  • 13%
    Yar!
    (115 votes)
  • 23%
    Yea!
    (201 votes)
  • 51%
    Nay!
    (439 votes)
  • 10%
    ‘Tis a step closer to Luka, I tells ye!
    (93 votes)
848 votes total Vote Now