Rockets drunken resolutions - 2023

This isn’t Five Out, it’s not not Five Out either.

Run, no wait, walk very slowly and careful towards the corner. Crawling is fine. In your own time.

Here are five drunken Rockets resolutions, please, feel free to add you own. No, really, please add your own.

FIVE!

We aren’t just going to bring James Harden back, we’re bringing back Danuel House, PJ Tucker, Trevor Ariza, Clint Capela, everyone! Not Chris Paul. Not Westbrook. But everyone! Yeah, what’s uh, Bobby Brown up to? I’m gonna call him...I bet he’s at the club with James. Where’s my phone?

FOUR!

This year, this is the year we pay the luxury tax! I don’t care what it takes! I don’t care how far under we are, we’re doing it! THIS. YEAR. Ok, shut up and listen! Make this happen, Mr. Golden McNuggets!

THREE!

We should have traded for Ben Simmons when we had the chance! We should have. Have you seen him? He looks great! Great! I’m sending Daishen Nix for him. AND Eric Gordon. Who says no? Who? Screw you, trade machine, who made you God?

TWO!

Ok. Hear me out. The mid-range is back, right? Right? Ok. So if the mid-range is back, so is the...wait for it...TRIANGLE! We’ve got Phil Jackson on the phone, and he’s agreed to be the Coach/GM as long as he NEVER, EVER, has to set foot in Houston, which seems fair, so it’s Big Chief Triangle! He’s back! What’s old is new, on New Year’s Eve! Triangle man!

ONE!

They should make me the coach. They totally should. I can fix everything. Goodnight! No, wait, kiss me! Please?

In all seriousness, wishing you all a happy, safe, healthy and prosperous New Year. May the Rockets have one as well.

Xiane

Wemby!