It’s All Happening! Elsewhere. Not to the Rockets.

Welcome to 2023 NBA Free Agency!

It’s thought to be a big time for the Rockets. Lots of money to spend, lots of guys who might be you know, fine, on the Rockets.

So far we have these signings announced:

Kyrie Irving will remain a Maverick, as he’s always been at heart, for 3 years and a mere $126 million, or roughly $1 million per regular season game played. Thank God.

Draymond Green keeps his fists at home, signing for 4 years $100 million dollars. What this does for the Warriors kitchen garments is unclear. Glad he’ll be one team player, and stay far away.

Khris Middleton keeps on Bucking, at 3 years $102 million.

Jerami Grant surpasses my estimation with a 5 year $160 million deal. $30 million is the new $20 million in the NBA, but that’s a lot of Jerami Grant years and money, perhaps. Will this keep Lillard around?

Kyle Kuzma signs a 4 year $102 million deal with the Washington Wizards, so that’s a relief. He can retire for life elsewhere, and experience “lower back tightness” during Paris Fashion Week for another team.

Jakob Poeltl remains rapacious, or at least Raptored, at 4 years $80 million, which seems like reasonable value for the Poeltato.

Cam Johnson can keep practicing his craft, and weaving his unique, and possibly overrated, magic act in Brooklyn for $108 million over 4 years.

In smaller signings, Gabe Vincent got a raise from Miami, heading to the Lakers for 3 years, $33 million.

BREAKING! - Dateline 7:08 CST - New Orleans

NOLA signs future seven time NBA MVP Herb Jones to a 4 year $54 million dollar deal.

Rockets targets Fred Kustom Van Vleet Week and “Babbling” Brook Lopez sign have no signings announced. Nor is there one for Dillon, not Dylan, Brooks.

BREAKING - 7:43 CST - Dateline: Houston

Rockets Sign Fred “Kustom” Van Vleet to a 3 year deal at $42 million per year. I have no details of the deal at this time, so no information on whether on not there are lighter, or partial guarantees on the final year of the deal.

Houston gets a real point guard, and he won’t be that old at the end of the deal.

And there was much rejoicing...whee.